Smurf Kazooie
by Nigel Yearning
Summary: Kazooie wanted to go visit the Smurf Village and persuaded Banjo to go on a new adventure, when they got there the two were separated and Kazooie wound up in the wrong smurf civilization. Will she find Banjo and get to the Smurf Village?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

Kazooie grumbled as Banjo folded up the hot air balloon, had it not malfunctioned during flight an hour ago they would be at the Smurf Village by now. Of course, the honey bear was too lazy to check the fuel tank before they left, and now Kazooie was beginning to regret on convincing him about going on an adventure. She sat there in the blue backpack she resides in for 13 years as Banjo finished up.

"I think I dropped the map awhile we were landing." he said.

_You should had let me held it, Banjo. _Kazooie thought.

"Kazooie?" asked Banjo, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," lied Kazooie, "We're not that far from the Smurf Village now, it's only just a couple kilometers."

"It sounded really far off though, too far to walk."

"You walked a gazillion meters last month!"

"Yeah, but that was because I was _chasing_ you."

Kazooie chuckled, Banjo chased her around the house for stealing his gameboy. She sat up in a tree as the honey bear used it to hold himself up, panting loudly. Too exhausted to climb up the tree, Banjo got out an ax and went Paul Bunion on the base of the tree. When the old was beginning to topple over, Kazooie took to the skies before the tree hammered Banjo into the ground. She was surprised he still remembered that day since he had been in a stupor till nightfall.

"If you would just let me share the Tetris game," said Kazooie, "That oak tree would be still standing."

"How would you play a Gameboy without imposable thumbs?"

_Oh crap._ Kazooie thought.

Banjo left the hot air balloon, carrying Kazooie with him. As the two made their way through the forest, they continued to bicker to each other about the necessities. Did you remember to bring the canteen? Had you left a note before we've left? Did you remember to bring the toilet paper? With all of those questioned said and answered, they went on arguing which way they should go. Kazooie, whose impatience was built up since morning, did most of the talking. She could clearly tell that Banjo had deaf ears, a strong habit of his every time a raised voice was heard.

No matter, even though they "lost" the map, Kazooie can tell they were going the right way. The pictures she managed to download from the internet told her that they were indeed in the right forest. In the pictures, the leaves and grass had a thick green to them, along with a lot of colorful flowers, butterflies, and birds. There was a problem though, the pictures were taken during late spring, it was now late autumn. Already the air began to feel cold enough so it could freeze, Kazooie doesn't mind since she was snuggled in that old blue backpack. The combination of her and Banjo's body heat kept her warm.

After a few minutes had passed, Banjo and Kazooie stopped arguing and went silent. Kazooie sat in her backpack with her head poking out, looking out behind Banjo as he continued on through the forest. She looked out to the trees and saw how vague they were, most trees had already lost all of their leaves. Those who kept their leaves were those pine trees, they looked quite healthy in this region of Europe. Even though the forest was in a coma, it was a sight enjoyable enough to see.

There wasn't much Kazooie could do but keep a lookout awhile paying attention to Banjo's footsteps. She was well in tuned with his footfalls and movements, she could tell if Banjo was drifting left or right and when something got his attention. Even when buried in the backpack, she kept close attention to his movements, not fazing out when in that tight position inside the backpack for awhile.

She was getting bored, Kazooie had hoped too much when going on this trip, it was longest she had ever been in. Being in that hot air balloon was one thing, since she could see the landscape for miles below. But on the ground and walking, there wasn't much to see. At times, Kazooie would vent her frustration at Banjo a little bit, complaining on how long he was taking from accomplishing complex tasks. She thought about complaining to Banjo right now, but her head was pulled out of the gutter when Banjo stopped walking.

"What do you know," she heard him say, "A honey bee nest."

Kazooie looked up and saw what Banjo saw: a honey bee nest wedged inside of a hole of a tall tree. She groaned, she had experience when Banjo tries to salvage honey from honey bees. Sometimes he succeed, other times he was chased by the hive for disturbing their nest. Kazooie had been stung on one occasion, since she wasn't a mammal, the bee went on to sting her 5 more times before she killed it with her beak. She went on a rant at Banjo after that.

But those days were in the summer, where its hot. Late autumn proved too cold for the bees, so they shouldn't be so stingy at this time of year. Besides the reassurance, Kazooie didn't care about the bee hive at the moment. "Oh come on Banjo," she complained, "It's too soon to be having a break at the moment."

"Suit yourself," said Banjo, "More honey for me then."

Banjo began to climb the tree as Kazooie grumbled under her breath about his actions, _I hope he falls flat on his face_, she thought, _And the tree along with him_.

It only took a couple of minutes for Banjo to reach the top, Kazooie began to think of an escape route just in case the situation gets hairy, which always does. Though she had to admit that she at times started a lot of situations by fault, leaving poor Banjo to take the full blunt of the mess as it unfolds. She hoped this time that he started it, not her.

When he reached the top of the tree, Kazooie waited for the moment of truth. "I see something," said Banjo, "I think it's-"

He was cut short when a boxing glove came charging out of the bee hive, hitting him square in the nose. Kazooie felt herself being ripped out of the backpack by sheer force as the world twirls into a spiral, upon hitting the ground she hit her head on something hard and the spinning world became a black void.

**. . .**

She had no idea how long it had been when she blacked out, but when she woke up she felt someone or something dragging her. Was it Banjo, her dear old time friend? No, it doesn't smell like him, nor does it sound like him. A mixture of anger and fear overcome her, but Kazooie was too dazed to do anything. She slipped in and out of consciousness as whoever was dragging her took her to wherever they're going. Kazooie managed to regain full consciousness, realizing that she was no longer in that old blue backpack.

"Okay guys," said a voice, "Do your best not to piss her off."

Kazooie opened her eyes and saw what appears to be a a group of smurfs, but something wasn't right. She came to see the smurfs in their village, in that beautiful mushroom house Smurf Village. Smurfs usually wear white pants and hat, but all she saw was camouflaged clothing. She recalled that the smurfs skin were sky blue, but instead the smurfs she was seeing had skin the color of grass. She expected them to be bald, with the exception of the elder smurfs, but they all had thick heads of brown hair. And instead of being pear-shaped, they were lean, a little muscular or fat depending on the gender. Kazooie was in the wrong smurf society, and the thought made her feel helpless.

When she managed to get onto her feet, Kazooie saw a cuff around her leg, tied by blue rope to a thick old growth tree. Kazooie thought she was a prisoner, and that made her boil. "What the crap!" she cursed.

"Okay," said one of the green smurfs, "She's definitely pissed off."

Looking around, she realized she was not inside the Smurf Village clearing, but underneath tall cylinder-like trees that were creepy to the core. Instead of grass, the ground was just ordinary dirt, the dirt felt like it had been pound in by some hard force. The air, smelled more like feces and rotten eggs than flowers and berries she had imagined. Had her confidence deceived her? Hell yeah.

"The birdy is angry!" cried one of the green smurfettes.

Kazooie saw a green smurfette, instead of having a more human body definition she had a pear-shaped body. Looking at the other smurfettes told her that they all had pear-shaped bodies. What was this, some kind of _backwards_ smurf society? Had Kazooie wanted to meet the smurfs, she should be more specific on what kind of smurf she wanted to see. Realizing these were not the smurfs she imagined made her think that she lied to Banjo, and she felt self-pity from that. However, being trapped made her mad to the point where it override that self-pity.

"Where am I?" she asked.

"Oh good," said a green smurf, "You can talk, you're in the Green Smurf Colony: Home to a thousand green smurfs and 10 green smurf villages. All decedents from the elder smurfs, our fellow blue buddies we all know and love."

Thoughts of lying to Banjo went out the window immediately, "Wait," said Kazooie, "Do you know where the Smurf Village is then?"

"It's simply 10 kilometers west of here," said another green smurf, "But don't go there, we're already in enough trouble for bringing you hear already."

The green smurfs were 7 and a half centimeters tall, Kazooie was much more taller and larger than them. She could easily knock most of them down, then go fly away and never see this place again. Kazooie can only do that when her bonds were removed, of course that can wait for later.

"You'll be in more trouble once I get my talons on you!" she barked at the green smurfs, "Let me go, or I'll tear you all to shreds!"

"We don't want to," said a green smurfette, "We think you're going to leave us and never come back."

"That's why you smurfs put the bonds on me?"

"Yeah."

"Good call, cause I'll be long gone by now if you hadn't."

"The way you're acting tells me you probably don't have many friends to rely on when in trouble." said a green smurf wearing goggles.

"What? I do have friends for your information."

"Then you're just a grumpy bird who had been uprooted from your nest, or in this case that blue backpack of yours."

"Where's Banjo? The honey bear I was with?"

"How do I know, I wasn't with the scouting party when they brought you here. Since no one is coming forwards on who brought you here, I think that would remain the great unknown. What I can tell you is that our leader acts just like you, and if he finds out about this he'll probably flip on us. You know, you act just like him, he's always grumpy on occasion."

"Grumpy? F#ck you."

"Suit yourself."

Their leader is similar to Kazooie in personality, this might get interesting when she meets her. If she is lucky, he might do the attack for her. That way, she'll slip out unnoticed and begone. The group of smurfs began to depart, Kazooie noticed they had her in a tight enclosure made out of sticks and rope. It was so well blended into the environment that she didn't noticed until they left.

"Why do you capture me if you're leader wouldn't approve?" Kazooie asked, her voice calmed down.

"I don't know," said another green smurfette, "We're fond of birds."

"You smurfs couldn't make up your mind, can you?"

"Can you? Once you're out of here, how are you going to find your friend? The scouting team plucked you far out in the forest, somewhere in an area where maps are a bit sketchy. You're better off with us than out in predator's territory."

That said, the green smurfette turned and left Kazooie in the pen along with all the other green smurfs. She watched as the green smurfs locked the small gate and left, they all mutter among each other about Kazooie, wondering what was the reason of bringing her here. Once alone, she sat on her rump and grumbled madly on her unfortunate event. She wanted out, but with her head hurting and her anger clouding her mind she wound up settling down and plan her next move.

"I'll get outta here," she mumbled to herself, "And when I do, there's going to be hell to pay."

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

Kazooie managed to make it through the night with some sleep, the temperature had dipped below freezing as Kazooie tried her best to keep warm. How much she had missed that backpack, the warmth it had provided on those cold nights. She felt totally exposed, cold, and frustrated. How dare the green smurfs treated her this way, she deserved more. That thought rang out in her mind throughout the rest of the night. At least the wind wasn't blowing, she would might be dead if that happened.

When she sensed the sun bathing her body with light, Kazooie woke up to find herself covered in warm thick blankets. The green smurfs were generous after all, her grudges against them decreased but she was still angry about them locking her up. They don't want her to leave, they made that clear alright. Are those little buggers alone in this forest, do they have that many friends? Maybe they're trying to make her a friend, they just really don't know how. Kazooie can thank them for the blankets, they provided a great alternative.

Just when she was about to get up, she felt something rumble underneath her bosom. Kazooie literally jumped when 5 green smurflings ran out from underneath her and out to dear safety, they laughed and giggle as Kazooie mouths them off. "Get out of here you little termites!" he cursed.

Kazooie saw one of them was moving a little slow, she took the time to chase after the green smurfling and nip the little fellow on the tail with her beak. She didn't do any harm, but it was just to scare him off. The smurfling yelped as he ran towards his friends, they closed the gate, locked it, and were out of there in less than 10 seconds. Kazooie pants as she stood there, relieving all of the steam and frustration from her system.

_Were they the ones who brought me blankets?_ Kazooie thought.

She quickly calmed down before returning to her usual spot, as Kazooie was putting the blankets back on her she noticed red feather clippings on the ground where she'd slept last night. Odd, they don't appear to be natural. Kazooie went on wrapping herself with the blankets, using her beak to position them over her torso. By the time she was putting on the last blankets, she saw where the feather clippings came from. Kazooie held up one of her wings and saw that it was ruined, horribly ruined.

Her flight feathers were trimmed short, a few essential feathers had been plucked out. The green smurflings must had trimmed her wings during the night, she didn't realized she was that tired after such a day. Getting out of the Green Smurf Colony by air was now out of the option, Kazooie knew what the clippings meant, they were trying to get her to become more dependent of her.

Nonetheless, she had plenty of fight left in here. Hope of Banjo rescuing her from this place was in mind, and will remain so for awhile. For the moment, Kazooie will have to get used to this pathetic visit. Though complying with the green smurfs would be quite a challenge, these strangers had already shown some of their colors in some way. Kazooie set down her wings and settled in back in her spot awhile making sure some of the blankets where covering her just right.

The environment for example reminded her of developing countries, instead of living in mushroom houses they lived in single room "spiderholes," simple well dug holes paved with concrete and capped with insulation. She watched them coming in and out of many of them in the area, Kazooie thought what would it be like of living in a hole in a ground. Probably very boring, and speaking of boredom she was really, really bored.

She watched the green smurfs lumber along the roads, Kazooie could tell they were fat and lazy, reminding her of Banjo quite a lot. One walked by with sleepy eyes, the green smurf walked like a zombie. Kazooie saw the way their legs were shaped, they were straight. She suspected they would be springy, but they weren't. The green smurfs claimed they were decedents of the "blue buddies," Kazooie can clearly see that they were also decedents from something else, but what was it?

Since three roads surrounded her enclosure in a triangular position, the green smurfs literally surrounded her. At least she wasn't that packed in such a small space, the enclosure was big enough for Kazooie to walk around. Why walk around in this enclosure? There wasn't anything to walk to, its just an area of open dirt. Dirt, it reminded Kazooie of Mumbo calling her the"filthy feathered one." How mad she was from hearing that, she hate it even more when being stuck in the Green Smurf Colony made it looked like he was right after all.

After sitting there for awhile, a couple of green smurfs came by carrying a large green basket. The basket was huge, about the size of a dinner plate. Inside, it was full of berries. She realized how hungry she was when her eyes were locked onto the berries. The green smurfs opened up the gate and wisely left the basket near it, then they quickly closed the gate and fast-walked out of there.

_Berries, they had given me berries._

Kazooie got up and walked over to the berries, she looked around to see if anyone was watching before dragging the basket of berries back over to her little spot in the pen. She quietly dug into the basket, eating up the berries one by one. They were good, really good. It wasn't long before Kazooie finished all the berries, when the basket was empty she placed some of the blankets into it before climbing in. With the tether on her foot bothering her a little, she tucked herself into the basket and sat inside comfortably.

"I knew you were going to use it as a nest." said a voice.

Kazooie turned her head 180 degrees and saw a green smurfling girl watching her past the wooden bars of her enclosure, she had blond hair and was wearing a camouflaged dress, hat, and socks. Kazooie turned herself around so she won't have to strain her neck from all the twisting, and looked at the girl with a keen eye, "What do you want you little midget?" she bluntly say.

"I'm just here to see you," said the green smurfling, "My name is Katusha, me and my friends helped bring you blankets."

"Name's Kazooie," said Kazooie, "Which one of you little brats clipped my wings?"

"I think that was Patrick, the grown ups told him to."

"Tell him I'm going to wring whoever gave him that task."

"You're a very grumpy bird, aren't you? Are you still mad from being captured or are you mad from having a slumber party?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Clearly obvious."

"Go away little girl, I have no business."

Just when Kazooie was turning away, Katusha brought up a question she didn't wanna hear, "So who was he, the honey bear you call Banjo?"

A chill went through her spine as Kazooie returned her gaze at Katusha, "My lazy BFF of mine."

"You missed him," said Katusha, "Don't you."

"Yeah, I miss him a lot."

"I see what you're doing, your being grumpy and angry at all the green smurfs in order to prevent them from becoming close to you. You blame them for separating you from Banjo, they only brought you here because they like you. Don't you see, that you're fighting yourself?"

Kazooie thought about it for a little bit, Katusha was right. It only seemed like she was fighting herself, but really, who stuck here here anyway? The green smurfs, that's who. Some empathy began to form in Kazooie's head, she fought it back with a request, "Go away you little goblin! I don't want you near me, I don't want your help!"

"You poor bird." said Katusha.

The green smurfling turned around and walked away, Kazooie felt a tear began to form in her eyes. She turned herself back around and buried her head into the mesh of the blankets, fighting back the tears that were demanding to be released. _God damn that little piece of sh#t!_ She thought.

Katusha only wanted to help, she cared about Kazooie and had already proven her generosity. She simply turned her away, not wanting to hear her speak to her anymore. _Banjo_, thought Kazooie, _Wherever you are, please help me._

Wow, had it been even longer Kazooie would try to take a snap on Katusha. Maybe even further insulting her, Kazooie was surprised that she kept her cool all the way to the end, whoever raised her had done his or her job a little to well. Not wanting to stay for a second night in the Green Smurf Colony, Kazooie began to plan her escape. There's gotta be something she could take advantage of, but first she had to break through her bonds.

She looked down at her ankle where the rope had tethered her in, and was surprised to find that the bonds were made by simple duct tape. Duct tape, that doesn't seem very smart when considering a long-term hold of imprisonment. Kazooie can easily gnaw off the tape and she'll be free, a simple fence isn't going to stop her from freedom. A little bit of climbing will take care of that. What she was more concerned about was where to go once out of the Colony. Since she came here for the Smurf Village, why not go there? Banjo would meet up there, will he? She wasn't so sure.

Kazooie wondered why on earth would she go on such a trip, to go visit creatures who has a very opposite personality to hers? She wanted an adventure, getting there was more funner than being there. This was anything but, as Kazooie was in the wrong smurf civilization and had been locked up by their own fears. They don't want her to leave due to lack of company, but what was the _real_ reason?

There wasn't much to look at anyway, just crap, nothing to tell her what the green smurfs plan to do with her. Keep her as a pet? Maybe to use her to lay eggs for them to eat? It had only been a day, and already she was beginning to receive visitors. Right from the corner of her eye, Kazooie saw a few smurfs approaching. An obese smurf followed by a skinnier one, the two seem dimwitted, she could tell by the look in their eyes. They bore some scars on various parts of their bodies, they were so small that they weren't easily noticed.

"There she is, Judd," said the lean smurf, "The breegull whose temper can destroy a thousand soldiers."

"Amazing," said Judd, "Tell me Chad, how did you get her?"

"Yes tell him Chad," said Kazooie sarcastically, "Tell him how you managed to drag me here?"

"You were out cold," said Chad, "Hit your head a little too hard when impacting the ground, your friend was luckier though but had a bit of a problem dealing with a few active bees and a sore jaw from that trap. We set it up ourselves, hoping to catch something so we could eat for dinner. Eventually, we caught you."

"You were planning to eat me?"

"No, since you can talk we decide to spare you. Besides, a breegull like you is a rare thing since they are on the 'threatened' level of the conversation status."

"The only thing I see threatened is you guys."

"Why is that?"

"Cause you bastards got me stuck in this position, if you don't wanna eat me nor have any use for me then why keep me here!"

"Green smurfs have a fond of birds," said Judd, "Both as food and pets, once we see a new bird arriving in the area we usually capture it in order to tame it."

"Tame? Yeah right, tubby."

"I have to admit, I never seen anyone more selfish than you, my grandfather wouldn't come that close to your attitude."

"Sure, Grandpa Gargamel has more of an awful taste than anyone could ever imagine."

"Wait," asked Kazooie, "Are you cousins?"

"Brothers," said Chad, "Every adult green smurf and green smurfette you see are biological brothers and sisters to each other, we're the first generation of our kind. As Chernov would say, 'The most complex species that had damned the world to incompetence.'"

"I thought he said we're just idiots." said Judd.

"That's his way of saying we are idiots."

"Are you sure?"

"You wanna ask him?"

"So if all of you ants are related to each other," asked Kazooie, "What about the smurflings I keep seeing?"

"Chernov, our leader, called them inbreds," said Chad, "It's not that we have a choice, we gotta reproduce somehow. If it isn't us making out with our-"

"You sick little trolls, born straight out of a test tube."

"Literally." said Judd.

Kazooie soon got up and ran straight towards them, steaming with rage. The basket was knocked aside awhile the blankets went up into the air like confetti. Just when she got right up to the fence, the tether reached its limit and caused Kazooie to fall over and kiss the dirt. As she lay there groaning, Chad and Judd were laughing their tails off. Kazooie can't me more mad than any moment in her history, "You're right," said Chad as Kazooie slowly got back onto her feet, "We're trolls, and trolling is our specialty."

"TROLOLOLOL!" laughed Judd.

Kazooie was running out of insults, and out of patience. She clenched her feet hard, scooping dirt clods in the process, "Just wait until I get outta here," barked Kazooie, "I'll tear your bodies limb from limb you little-"

"Chickensh#t?" finished Chad.

Ironically that was the word she was planning to say. Great, now that word is gone.

"Are you running out of swear words, Kazooie?" asked Judd.

Kazooie didn't answer, she just simply stare at him with angry eyes.

"How many green smurfs did you insult today?" asked Chad.

"Three," Kazooie bluntly say, "You, your bro, and that Katusha smurfling."

"Katusha is my daughter," said Chad, "And I told her about that Banjo friend of yours."

"I never seen a bear before," said Judd, "Not even a humanoid one."

"You know what," said Kazooie as she was returning to her comfort area, "You two go f#ck your siblings, I had enough of you guys."

"Do you had enough of _yourself_ yet?" asked Chad.

_What are you talking about?_ Kazooie thought.

She wanted to ask them, but was too mad to say anything else. As Chad and Judd walked away, Kazooie stubbornly yanked the basket and put back in its usual spot, then settle back all the blankets before snuggling inside again. _Err_, she thought, _Those green smurfs are so annoying, they just won't leave me alone!_

That's it, Kazooie was definitely leaving tonight.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

Night has finally fallen, the sun setting was what Kazooie had been waiting for all day. Already she had napped in order to prepare for the nightly escape, she'll might be up all night for all she knew. Kazooie planned to be at the Smurf Village around sunrise, she hoped Banjo was there waiting for her.

She looked around the area, checking to see if any green smurf was watching. There wasn't a single green smurf around, they're making this too easy. The only things visible were small outdoor LED lights glowing brightly, giving off a soft glow that makes it easy for Kazooie to see but not visible. Her bright orange feathers would give her away, she would be easily spotted if she walked down the paved roads of the Green Smurf Colony by a passing green smurf. There's gotta be a place for her to go without being noticed.

Indeed there was, Kazooie could see a park area of the colony that looked like it leads out of here. Interesting, it just so happens to be heading west. She doubled-checked the roads to see if there were any green smurfs wandering about, there weren't any. Once she was certain nobody was watching her, Kazooie went to work on ripping out the duct tape tether off her ankle.

The duct tape proved tough, Kazooie was having a hard time pulling it off with her beak. She stopped to take a break after just 2 minutes, Kazooie hadn't anticipated how strong the duct tape was. No matter, she had all night. She peaked a look over her shoulder before returning to work, and eventually managed to remove the duct tape off her foot.

Free. She was finally free, Kazooie chucked the tether aside and flexed her feet. _Yes_, said Kazooie, _I'm bound no more. I'll find you Banjo, I'll find you._

Maybe the blue smurfs at the Smurf Village would help her find her lost friend, Kazooie wasn't to sure if they would help her, since the green smurf leader lived there for some reason. Hope in finding Banjo increased slightly, and hope on finding help sharply rose. She only had a limited amount of time, and Kazooie doesn't wanna waste any bit of it.

She approached the fence of her enclosure and climbed up it, a simple gate did nothing to keep her in, and Kazooie was soon free from her pen. Kazooie's confidence reached heights as she bolted towards the untouched grounds, running as fast as her legs can take her. She zipped through the bushes and shrubs through the park, leaving not much of a sound. Kazooie did her best to keep her excitement locked in, when she began to think that nobody was going to stop her.

_I'm almost out of here! _She thought, _Just a few more-_

Everything came crashing down as Kazooie hit her shin on a rock, hidden by dirt and bushes. She yelped as she found herself tumbling down into a steep trench, Kazooie rolled a few times before stopping in a dead heap at the bottom. One moment she was just about to make it, and now she tripped at the finish line the next. Kazooie laid there on her back, staring up at the stars as small little canaries began to fly in circles above her head.

"Owww." she muttered.

Did anyone heard that, hopefully not. If the green smurfs woke up and discovered Kazooie was gone, they don't have to look far. _"There she is," _Kazooie imagined them say, _"She's right there, at the bottom of the trench. Let's put her back in her cage and keep a better eye on her."_

Kazooie thought of the punishment she might face if caught, would they dare torture her? No, they're already doing their worst when it comes to being annoying. Backwards little buggers. They're all backwards, fat, incompetent, and outright stupid. They teased her and locked her up, for what? Kazooie wondered how will she ever reunite with Banjo, she was beginning to doubt if he was even still alive. _Don't think of that Kazooie, _thought the breegull, _Don't you ever think of that girl._

Kazooie wound up thinking it was all her fault, since she wanted to go on an adventure. It had been awhile since they'd been on one, about three years exactly. Last year though, she and Banjo entered a race against Sonic the Hedgehog. Racing with the Mobians was a blast, thanks to Kazooie, who pressured Banjo to enter the race, the duo managed to pull off a story of a lifetime.

Great days they were, and Kazooie realized how old she was getting. It had been nearly a decade and a half since she first met Banjo on Breegull Beach, what was depressing for Kazooie is that they spend most of that time eating pizza and playing Xbox, and the last few years building automobiles as a job. They managed to earn enough money just to do nothing, and with all that savings stored up in the bank, Kazooie wanted to go on yet another adventure. This time, far from Spiral Mountain.

She was at the library one morning and discovered an old book at the 900ths section, it was a book about the smurfs. Kazooie didn't knew why, but she was curious about the little guys. No, it wasn't the lifestyle and personalities that interested her, it was where they lived. They lived in an area where there was a forest, filled with histories and wonders. Maybe even treasure, gold perhaps. It would be great to put on the autobiography, and she might make a hit on TV.

So Kazooie ran home and told Banjo, who was sitting lazily on the recliner watching television, about what she found. Banjo refused at first, saying that he had enough adventures. But when Kazooie says that, "they're not going to do a lot of walking", Banjo gave in and agreed to go on the trip. They left a note, "packed their things", and head off to the nearby aviation market to rent a hot air balloon. Why a hot air balloon? Kazooie wanted to enjoy the scenery.

She realized how big of an error it was, and that led to a chain of events where she and Banjo were separated and Kazooie wounding up in the bottom of a trench that was probably used as a toilet. It smelled like fecal matter, she hoped it wasn't. Kazooie didn't care what it could have contained, all she wanted was to get out of it. After her short rest, Kazooie sat up and discovered a horrifying find.

Her right leg looked like it now had a second knee on her shin, her foot was twisted 180 degrees backwards and almost looked a little disfigured. She didn't feel it hurt when she tumbled, but upon discovery caused a surge of pain to ripple through Kazooie. It was excruciating. She panicked, not knowing what to do now. Her heart began to race as her sweat turned cold, the shock combined with the pain was enough for her faint. Kazooie slumped backwards without letting out a single scream.

**. . .**

Kazooie remembered being out in the cold, alone in the trench with a mangled limb. The last thing she remembered was being scared to death. When she woke up, she discovered that she was in this small tent. It was as wide as an umbrella but tall enough for her to move in. Her eyes couldn't make out much of the details, everything was fuzzy, so fuzzy that the world was just a blur.

"Okay guys," said a voice, "Let's hurry and get her the anesthetic."

That was all she heard before passing out again.

It was a dreamless sleep, but the nightmare was all too real. She soon woke up again, this time with her full consciousness. Kazooie pants hard as the terror she felt eases, a hand suddenly stroke the side of her neck and shoulder, it was gentle and reassuring. "There, there, Kazooie," said a female voice, "Everything is fine."

Kazooie wasn't quite used to laying on her back, her bird anatomy forbids it. Whatever she was laying on was comfortable and seemed to be with her and the pillow was just as comforting. Kazooie looked to who was stroking her side, it was a green smurfette. She had her hair trimmed to her ears, making her look younger than her actual age, whatever it is. She was cute, a part of Kazooie thought she was a teenager at first.

"Name's Lizzy," she said as she repositioned the straps of her green overalls back onto her shoulders, "I'm here to take care of you."

"What happened?" mumbled Kazooie.

The green smurfs found you in the trench this morning," said Lizzy, "You broke your leg, we were worried. But nonetheless, we managed to get a cast on your leg and fix it back up. When we operated on it, we discovered that you broke your tarsometatorsus and ankle. We managed to fix the bone right up and mend a cast on it, I can tell you that you're not going to be walking on it for a year with this kind of damage."

Kazooie brushed aside the covers and saw her leg was in a cast, she extended it to see it properly before setting it down. Whatever the green smurfs had pumped into her system made her feel exhausted and nauseous, it felt fresh and it was enough to suppress her emotions. It will be awhile before the effects would wear off.

"How did you end up in the bottom of the trench anyway?" asked Lizzy.

"I, I tried to make a clean getaway. I hit my leg on a rock before tumbling down the trench, been down there since midnight."

"We were all worried, some of the green smurfs were crying awhile we put a major effort in getting you out of that trench. Word had spread to the Smurf Village about you, our leader is coming over to investigate. One of his advisers is a bit worried, since we were responsible for your safety. On top of that, he is furious."

"Can you please help me up," said Kazooie, "I don't like this position."

"Sure," said Lizzy, "Just be careful, with that leg it might hurt a lot."

Lizzy wasn't kidding, the leg hurt a lot. Kazooie held it all in as she rolled onto her stomach and into the more natural position for sitting, "Thanks." said Kazooie.

"Your welcome." said Lizzy.

Kazooie shifts herself into position as Lizzy tossed a blanket over her back, once settled Kazooie sat there and sighed, "I miss him." she said.

"Who?" asked Lizzy.

"Banjo," said Kazooie, "A close friend, really close. He had been my friend for as long as I could remember."

"You came here in the region with him?"

"Yup, and now we're separated thanks to those brothers of yours."

"Green smurfs aren't bright at times."

"I can tell."

"Green smurfs were wondering that, now you were injured, they wonder how to present you to Chernov when he comes over. He usually comes quick and-"

A green smurf came running into the tent in sheer panic, cutting Lizzy off, "He's here!" he cried, "The Wunderwaffe is here!"

"Here!" cried Lizzy, "Already!"

"No sh#t!" cursed the green smurf, "Let's get her outside, quickly now!"

The green smurfs began to drag the mat Kazooie was sitting on outside, pulling her along with all their might. "Whose the Wunderwaffe?" asked Kazooie.

"Chernov Reznov," said Lizzy, "The first green smurf who has ever walked the earth, the first of his species and leader of the Green Smurf Colony. He views himself more of a general than a papa smurf, it works out that way around these parts."

"He also has a temper," said the green smurf, "I do not wanna be around him when steam comes out of his ears."

The green smurfs said that their leader was just like her in some ways, that doesn't make Kazooie feel better in anyway. She felt her blood pound away in her veins as the green smurfs managed to get her outside, Kazooie lowered her head so she could go through the front door.

Outside were a large group of green smurfs from all genders and ages, all of them appeared scared, others were crying, only a very few stood in confidence. Kazooie realized they were taking responsibility for her injuries, normally she would be glad but her heart said something else. She was going to get a taste of her own medicine. Angry and frustrated she was then, there wasn't very much rage left in her. Kazooie knew that she was not going anywhere, even if Banjo was here.

A small vehicle that looked like the small RC HMMVE you can buy in Wal-Mart came cursing along. It stopped within a couple of meters from the group and the door opened, Kazooie heard the group of green smurfs held their breath. She gulped, scared out of her mind.

Out of the vehicle stepped out a green smurf, but not just any ordinary green smurfs. This green smurfs was slightly taller, about 10 centimeters. He appears leaner and more physically fit than all the other green smurfs, he wore a camouflaged jacket, pants, and smurf hat. He looked like the only green smurf who wore upper body clothing, and the only green smurf who washed. His brown hair was neatly combed, though it was a bit fuzzy in some sides. The look in his eye told Kazooie his emotions before he could speak them, was this the green smurf leader Chernov Reznov?

He stopped in the center of the clearing and looked out over the green smurfs, a still silence gripped the air like an iron fist. Mother Nature seemed to be holding her breath too, the superior-looking green smurf soon broke that silence, "There I was," he said, "Sleeping in bed after a long and frustrating night, the radio came crackling and woke me from my slumber. Richard told me that you half-brothers and half-sisters had captured a bird, then had its leg broken. Is this true?"

"Yes." said the green smurfs in unison.

"Normally I would refuse such a call," continued the green smurf, "But when he told me that this bird is probably a new breed never before seen, you can bet my smokestack is red hot. Mother Nature instructed us NOT to threaten the lives of the endangered inferior creatures who dwell around here, had we killed enough woodland critters enough? Do you green smurfs see why that the Green Smurf Colony is silent of birds?"

"Yes."

"Of course, Mother Nature can do nothing but let us go on our daily business, pillaging and plundering this landscape we call home. We aren't under her command but you are under mine."

Kazooie didn't need anyone to tell her that this was indeed Chernov. He turned and looked at her examined pretty much what Kazooie could show, "A Red-crescent Breegull," said Chernov, "Just what dear ole` Rick told me about, I saw them in old literature books but never, never had I saw a living breathing one. Hold out your leg, the one that had been broken from that irony of yours."

Kazooie said nothing as managed to hold out the broken leg, "Hold out one of your wings."

She held up one of her wings, revealing the damage caused by a simple pair of scissors, "You can put them down now." said Chernov.

When Kazooie puts them down, Chernov asked her one question, "Normally the green smurfs would cook and eat you for dinner, but there's a reason why you still live. You have a voice, you can speak your mind. Is it not?"

"Yes." said Kazooie.

"Interesting, a living beings greatest weapon isn't a gun or bomb, its the ability to speak with a humanoid voice. I guess you had been spared but, now the green smurfs don't know what to do with you."

Chernov turned towards the crowd of green smurfs, "Chad," he called out into the crowd, "I know you were the one who set up that trap, get over here this instant."

Chad came forward, Kazooie could see Katusha standing there ready to break out in tears. Chernov marched towards Chad and held up a finger, "Were you the mastermind who caused this 'human bird' to suffer?"

"Yes, sir." admitted Chad.

"Were you the one who built the pen?"

"Me and several green smurfs, I can name names."

"No need, just you. They're just simple sheep, all I want is the shepherd. Did you intend to harm her."

"No, not really."

"Did you intend to aggravate her?"

Chad glanced at Kazooie for a brief moment before returning his attention back to Chernov, "Yes, sir."

"How much so?"

"To the point where she tried to attack me. Yes, it happened."

Chernov turned and looked back at Kazooie, "Was he laughing?"

Kazooie nod.

She could see Chernov's fist clenching, and withing a blink of an eye he turned towards Chad and punched him hard in the cheek. Kazooie gasped as Chad was knocked back and collapsed onto the ground, he was knocked out cold.

"I don't know what to make of this," said Chernov, "You have trapped a member of an endangered species, and nearly got it killed. Had you learned nothing? We green smurfs are also an endangered species, look how fragile we are!"

Chernov placed a hand over his eyebrow and brushed hair a bit, "Okay," he said, "I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't had hit him. To be honest, you relatives get me on my nerves because of your incompetence. I know that all of you are young and you've done great things that could make me proud. But I have my own problems, I live over at our elders so _this_ wouldn't happen regularly."

He pointed at the unconscious Chad who was laying on the ground, his eyes was beginning to turn black and puffy, "I care about you guys so much that I can't afford to be around you," said Chernov, "I don't want to harm you in anyway. Of course you may get me mad with your devious pranks and sh#t, but know this: I will chase you around with an ax and wring you around the neck for fun without serious damage when you get on my nerves or even take pot-shots at me, but playing with other creatures besides our species is not fun. Our society is different from the worlds, its new, its young. Have common sense, when dealing with visitors. Now go back to your daily jobs, I'll sort out the mess over here and get everything taken care of. Someone get Chad to the infirmary, I'll give him my apologies when he's awake and his condition is stable."

The green smurfs began to depart as a couple of green smurfs placed Chad on a stretcher, Katusha just stood there and watched as they carried her father away. Without warning, Katusha rushed over to Chernov just as his jets were finally cooled, "Why did you hit my daddy?" she asked.

"Your father is an idiot," explained Chernov, "I did not hit him for my amusement, I did so because of his stupidity."

"You could have killed him."

"I could. But he is more of a danger to himself, did he ever told you that he nearly blew his hand off with a stick grenade?"

"No."

"Ask him about it the next time you see him. Promise me that you would be wiser than your father."

"Not if you promise not to hit him again."

"I won't, one hit sense the message home to everyone. I don't really wanted to be tough on the Colony, but I had to if I ever wanted to make sure its success. I only wish it wasn't too hard."

"Thank you, Chernov."

"Run off little one, your dad would be great for you to be with him right now."

Katusha ran off as Chernov watched her, Kazooie felt most of her fear lifted. Truly this Chernov character is fit to be a leader, but punching Chad and telling his daughter why was incredible to her. Now Chernov's focus was one Kazooie, and there's no telling what he would do to her. All she could do was hope for the best, Kazooie would just have to put her life in her hands even if she likes it or not.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

Lizzy and Chernov managed to help Kazooie get back inside the tent, once that's done Chernov turned towards the green smurf who notified the girls of his arrival, "You're dismissed."

"Thank you, bro." said the green smurf.

As the green smurf walked off, Chernov inexplicably gave Kazooie a big hug. _What in the world? _She thought.

"It's great to finally meet you Kazooie," said Chernov as he released his hug, "I've read about you and Banjo a lot, about you defeating that stereotypical witch Gruntilda. You're a hero in your own right."

"You knew about me?" asked Kazooie.

"I keep an ear on the world and read through many books, had I never thought of you coming here at all. Had you came here going on an adventure?"

"Yes."

"So why are you _really_ here anyway?"

"I came to look for the Smurf Village, since it would bring up a great adventure."

"Well I just came from there. And I can tell you that, according to your reputation, you're not going to get along with many of the smurfs. They're no different from the green smurfs here in some ways, but at least they're manageable. After a few days however, you might get used to them. Somehow, you wound up in the wrong smurf society and got your leg broken. How exactly?"

"Chad and his dumb buddies captured me and locked me up as a curiosity. Then I tried to escape and fell down into a trench after tripping on a solid rock, you know what happened afterwords."

"To be honest, I'm not sure if we can move you to one point and another. Even if your friend Banjo comes along to find you, I have some doubt that he won't get you back home without hurting you. If you were shot, you can shrug it off. But a broken limb, is nearly a death sentence since it can cripple you. I'm surprised that your attitude hadn't shown up when I came around, I expected you to mouth me off a bit when you meet me."

"The green smurfs had told me about you, and upon seeing what you did to Chad there made me believe what they said about you. So I was kinda afraid."

"Did they told you about my stunts of me taking down birds of prey?"

"No."

"Then you had just heard a part of the story, I have an interesting relationship with birds so that may help you. I even have a companion, this eagle owl named Alpha. She comes around once in awhile, you know. Maybe the real reason you're a bit afraid of me because of that broken leg, since you can't defend yourself properly then you have a good reason to fear me. Besides, I had taken on birds bigger than you in order to feed my children."

Kazooie wondered if she could trust Chernov, but since he knew her long before she knew him, she clearly knew that the odds are stacked with him. So far, she was relieved that he hadn't send her to her demise. But was distraught that she might never leave until her leg had fully healed. Interesting enough that Chernov hadn't insulted her like most other people she met, and the looks of him told her he could shrug off any insult.

"How are the little ones?" asked Lizzy.

"Fine," said Chernov, "Rachael and I were considering going on a vacation, since the kids are mature enough to handle their own lives. I guess my raising skills had finally paid off."

"So," said Kazooie, "Now what do we do?"

"I'll keep you company for the time being," said Chernov, "I'll send green smurfs out into the wilderness to go look for your comrade, but it might take awhile to find him. Maybe a couple of weeks, since they have a habit of screwing around."

Chernov held up his hand and ran his fingers through Kazooie's feathers as he walked by, he then pushed aside some feathers to get a look at the skin underneath, "A fully mature bird you are," he said, "Are you somewhat in your thirties?"

"I think so." said Kazooie."

"You think so?"

"I don't exactly knew my actual age, my past is just a collection of vivid memories."

"My past is only recent, my species is almost two years old already. Young and dumb they all are, and they all frustrate me to the point where I pulled out my own hair to much of my girlfriend's dismay."

"One of Chad's friends said that the green smurfs were born in a test tube."

"Which one? The fat one?"

"Yup."

"It's true, which is why the first generation are born in young adult bodies. The only green smurfs who were born properly are the 2nd generation and me, me and by half-siblings share a father but not a mother. I was simply a prototype in the beginning, but became much more. Our father only needed something to work around on, and that would be me."

"Who is your father?"

"A human, surprisingly he's only 17 years old."

"Dang."

"You were Daddy's little favorite." said Lizzy.

"Yeah," said Chernov, "But that is a long time ago, now I'm more focused on other things like maintenance and chemistry. It's always great to work on something new though."

Chernov placed his hand on Kazooie's shoulder and rubbed it, "I have enough time on my hands just to get you back on your feet again," said Chernov, "If I'm not around and any green smurf came by to infuriate you, knock some sense into them, it may be the only entertainment you can ever get here."

"There's always the radio." said Lizzy.

"Yes, the radio. Stay here Lizzy, I'll go find a portable radio. Hold up the fort until I get back."

"Okay, bro."

When Chernov heads out the door, doubt about him left as well. _Maybe these green smurfs aren't so bad after all_, she thought, _Maybe I had been a little too hard on them._

"Kazooie," asked Lizzy, "Are you alright?"

"Yes," lied Kazooie, "I'm fine."

Lizzy began to scratch Kazooie's head, then stroking it, "Ooh, you're so soft," said Lizzy, "And poofy."

Kazooie felt she was becoming tired. Odd, why was she feeling that way. She tried to keep herself awake but her eyes droop, and so she relaxed her neck a little. It was awhile she had received affection from someone other than Banjo, in fact, hadn't had such affection in a decade. All she got was insults, both direct and indirect, from other people. For a brief moment, she felt loved.

"HEY!" hollered a voice from outside.

The spell was immediately broken as Kazooie shot her heat up, Lizzy stumbled back as another green smurfette came storming in. She had messy black hair, dirty green socks, and a camouflaged dress and smurf hat that appeared to be slept in the night before. Despite her awful appearance, the smell was even worse. Kazooie got a whiff of alcohol and Limburger cheese coming off of the green smurfette, it made her wanna past out there.

"Aren't you the bird who tried to get away," scoffed the green smurfette, "I was hoping for dinner the other day and this is what they brought here, a chicken who can talk."

"Dashie," cried Lizzy, "This isn't the best time!"

"The best time for what?" she asked.

"Being a whore." wisecracked Kazooie.

Lizzy chuckled, but Kazooie can tell in her eyes that she was still concerned, "Oh you think that was funny." said Dashie.

"What?" said Kazooie, "You being a bitch?"

"I swear to God," warned Dashie, "If you don't shut up, I'll-"

Kazooie managed to cut her off by poking her belly with her beak, she oofed as she stumbled back before collapsing on her rump. Lizzy was now laughing hard, though she kept her distance by wisely taking shelter behind Kazooie. "Not funny!" barked Dashie.

She poked her again, this time on the skull. Stunned, Kazooie took out her good foot and held Dashie down. As she kicks and squirms like a snake with it's head stuck, Kazooie grabbed Dashie's panties and pulled them off. Lizzy started muffling her laughter in Kazooie's feathers as the bird spat it out the door and into the street outside. When she let's go of Dashie, she jumped to her feet and latched her hands onto Kazooie's neck. Kazooie gasped a deep breath as Dashie proceeds to strangle her.

She was used to being strangled, by Banjo. But the previous times it wasn't attended for harm, this time however it was intended for harm. Kazooie couldn't breath since Dashie's grip felt like the force of a car crusher, all laughter stopped when Kazooie started suffocating.

"Is it funny now!" barked Dashie, "Now!"

Kazooie began flapping her wings wildly as Lizzy came by to her aid, "Dashie, stop!" she cried, "You're hurting her!"

As Lizzy tried to muscle Dashie away, Kazooie managed to pick up Dashie with her beak. She later regretted it as her dress tasted like spoiled milk, Kazooie squeezed slightly which made Dashie let go of her grasp. "Let go!" she commanded.

Kazooie replied by spitting her through the front door and outside, she managed to see Dashie flop to the pavement before the curtains fold themselves closed. "Yuck," said Kazooie, "That tasted horrible!"

"She a heavy drinker," said Lizzy, "Almost never washed her clothes, she's been wearing that dress for 3 weeks now."

It made Kazooie wanna hurl, thank God she didn't tasted the panties.

"Screw you guys," hollered Dashie outside, "I'm going home!"

Kazooie listened Dashie grumbled as she stormed off, hopefully she took her panties with her. How fun that was, the way Dashie acted to her told her a little bit about herself. It was a taste of her own medicine, and Kazooie didn't like the flavor.

"Kazooie," said Lizzy worriedly, "Did she hurt you?"

"No," said Kazooie, "I had been through tighter situations."

Kazooie couldn't think of anything tighter, her memory must be fuzzy. Just as when she relaxed, Chernov came walking back in with a portable radio in his hands, "I overheard Dashie awhile walking by her," said Chernov, "Calling you a psychotic chicken, had you too met?"

"Yeah," said Kazooie, "You missed the action though."

"Some green smurfs are mean as hell. But don't worry about them, it only takes a little longer for them to be your friend."

"I don't think Dashie will be my friend anytime soon."

"We'll see then."

Chernov sat down the radio on a wooden chair and turned it on, it began to play some music. Kazooie wasn't familiar with the tune, but was sure that it had to do with a video game. "Now Kazooie," said Chernov as he pulled up a chair and sat in it, "I wanna help you, but there is some things you need to do if you ever wanna see Banjo again and fulfill your adventure here."

"How can I do anything with a broken leg?" asked Kazooie.

"Who says you're going to be walking?"

"No one."

"This is a more personal goal for you, try your best to hold in your temper. I had authorized the green smurfs that, anytime you break out in rage, they'll blast you with frigid cold water just barely above zero Celsius. Since the nights are cold, you'll might regret being angry."

"Done."

"Secondly, friendly green smurfs who want to come by to see you will chat almost non-stop and pet you. If they do so, let them or else you won't get any food."

"Why?"

"They wanna be your friend, they want you to be their friend as well. You're the one who's injured here, there isn't much you can do to help yourself. Which leads to the third rule, don't fuss when you're trying to use the bathroom, cause you're going to need help when going to the crapper."

"Heh-heh," chuckled Lizzy, "Crapper."

"You gotta be kidding me." said Kazooie.

"I am not," said Chernov, "Even if Banjo arrives, that doesn't mean you're going to be leaving anytime soon. I'll make sure of that clearly for Banjo, if he comes around. So if Banjo comes around at night and tries to break you out, talk him out of it, say to him that you're not leaving until you fulfill that goal. Meet the blue buddies we call the smurfs, and these smurfs aren't going to just let you in. I'll tell them about you, inform their leader about your personality and career. Once the smurfs are ready, we'll take you over there to meet them, then you're free to leave at any time."

"What would happen if Banjo doesn't come around at all?" asked Lizzy.

"If he doesn't show up or we find his corpse," said Chernov, "Then Kazooie will never leave until her leg is fully healed, then we'll call someone from home to pick her up."

"Banjo has a sister named Tootie." said Kazooie.

"A relative, excellent. We'll make arrangements when the unexpected happened. Don't you worry Kazooie, we'll take good care of you."

Kazooie lower her head and began to whimper, Chernov got up and scratched her head, "There, there Kazooie," reassured Chernov, "Don't let a loss of a loved one corrupt you. Dashie for example had lost her son from the flu, and you know what she was like now."

"Is that why she is so mean?"

"Yup, and you know why I also have a temper?"

"Why?"

"I had lost my mother at the moment I was born; my childhood was brief; and I was only raised by a loving, yet authoritative father. That made me a suitable leader, yet my strategy is hard love with little benevolence. You're something like me yourself, you know that."

"That's what everyone had been saying."

"That means they could be right."

Kazooie felt some of the tears dry up as Chernov stepped back, "Lizzy, if any green smurf comes by with a bad attitude, make sure they don't get into a fight with Kazooie. I don't want Banjo to come here and find a dead bird at his feet, you hear me?"

"Yes, bro." said Lizzy.

"I'm gonna go over to the Command Center and check up on Rick and Dashie, I bet the two are having an interesting talk about Kazooie."

When Chernov leaves, Lizzy wrapped her arms around Kazooie's neck, "I think he likes you," she said, "He's always good with the ladies."

"I wonder what his girlfriend thinks." said Kazooie.

Lizzy chuckled, "Its usually a father and daughter relationship with other green smurfettes, do you know that my generation with the exception of Chernov are the blue smurfette's children?"

"No."

"The blue buddies call her Smurfette, we call her Mama because, she's our mother."

"Did she perform her role at all?"

"At times, but hey, there's a lot of interesting characters around the Green Smurf Village. There's plenty of people here for you to make friends with."

"I don't wanna make too many friends, can't keep up with their demands and neither do I want to."

"Establish them as contacts then, put them in your phone book and call them when you need them."

"Eh, I'll think about it."

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

Lizzy ran off to run some errands, leaving Kazooie pretty much alone. In the meantime, Kazooie listened to the radio Chernov had acquired for her. In it, she listened to some of the music that the radio station plays, it was mostly a combination of country, bluegrass, and rock, some with a touch of Russian folk and choir. They were "interesting" at best, and Kazooie wished she would put in some songs for the radio host to play. When the recent song ended, the familiar voice that belonged to no other than Rick, began to yap as always when speaking on the air.

"My fellow siblings and youngins," he said in a ridiculous tone, "I like to take a moment off of our usual schedule, the Wunderwaffe is here today to talk to us about this breegull my girlfriend keeps cursing about."

_F#ck you, Dashie._ Kazooie thought.

"Greetings my subordinates," said Chernov through the radio.

"So tell me bro, how did you come of know this Kazooie bird."

"I did a lot of reading and I found her and her best bud Banjo in a book, it was a biography written by one of their friends. They were inspirational, and I was impressed about their charm."

_So he does like me after all,_ thought Kazooie, _Chernov, I love you. Not in a romantic way, but a brother._

"Their charm," said Rick, "What is it like?"

"I found an image of them in the biography," explained Chernov, "It showed Banjo holding Kazooie by the neck as they smiled to the camera, that was the first time I ever saw them in the media."

_A part of me always hated that picture._ Kazooie thought, recalling one of the many pictures she had been taken of her and Banjo years before. She had to admit some of them were ridiculous.

"So this Kazooie, what kind of bird is she?"

"She's a Red-crescent Breegull, Rick. They are quite a rare species, in fact so rare that there is only one place in the world that they are known to concentrate."

_Breegull Beach I presume._

"What is this place, Chernov?"

"Classified, nor do I know it's exact location."

"Hrm, I suppose we must all do our part to protect Kazooie then."

"She's a stubborn little fellow, put up a fight with a few green smurfs already. I wound up giving a green smurf a black of one of them."

_You don't even have to hit him, Chernov._

"Yes, I'm sure that green smurf is doing quite well. Of course, we all know this wasn't the first time."

"Yes, Rick. I do remember that time where I gave you a boot in the ass for being an idiot."

"It wasn't my fault for-"

"Don't go there Rick."

_Please do what he says, Rick._

"Okay, okay. _A-hem_. Now, for all I know that Kazooie had her leg broken last night and was found close to dying in a trench. How did you respond to that?"

"I blew my stack."

"How so?"

"You don't wanna know. But what I can tell you is that the way Kazooie was treated during her first two days of being in the Colony, made me wanna strangle the green smurf responsible. Now I know that you green smurfs don't want her to leave, she'll might walk out if you gave her free rein..."

_You're pretty much right about that one, Chernov._

"... Of course, if I received word that she had came by, I would be a bit upset since I wasn't there to meet her. But since she was originally coming to the Smurf Village anyway, I'll might as well be in luck."

"Chernov, we all know that you have a fond with birds."

"Ah, birds. I love to listen to them sing, I like to have them as companions, and I like to shoot at them and eat them for dinner. Kazooie, if you're listening to this, I promise I won't kill you and eat you for dinner."

_Thanks, I needed that._

"Ha ha! Hilarious!"

"Birds are incredible creatures, especially those who can sing and talk. Kazooie of course can do that, well that's what it said in the biography at least."

"Will you ask her if she can sing?"

"No, I will not take that road."

_How honest you are Chernov._

"Now I have to ask you this, more personal question about Kazooie."

"Go ahead."

"Why is her name 'Kazooie', Chernov?"

"Well Rick, she plays the kazoo _quite_ well. So well, that she was named after it, and that is no joke."

"No joke indeed, brother!"

"True Rick, very true."

The two laughed a little bit before wrapping things up, "Thanks again for stopping by Chernov." said Rick.

"Your welcome Rick," said Chernov, "Get on with your yapping on the radio and talk your voice out, I'll be waiting for that moment to replace you."

Rick laughed, "You're kidding, right?"

"Do I look kidding?"

Their was a short pause before the two laughed hysterically, Kazooie smiled slightly from the joke, "Take care, Rick." said Chernov.

The sound of a door slamming in the radio was heard, Rick calmed down before he began speaking directly to the listeners again, "That was Chernov Reznov," he said, still laughing a bit, "Our, I mean, the Wunderwaffe and _our_ brother. Here's a little tune for you folks to hear, and to let you know how much I love my job so much."

"I thought you loved me!" Dashie's faint voice say in the background.

"I still love you Dashie." said Rick.

"F#ck you!"

Kazooie laughed a little bit, she stared at the electric lantern that was illuminating the room. She watched it glowed with its own energy, the green smurfs were that technologically advanced than their blue counterparts. No wonder word spread so fast about her, technology benefited communication such as the radio for example. Kazooie shifted position and listened to the music on the radio, she was about to dose off when suddenly-

"BIRDY!"

That happened.

_Oh come on, _thought Kazooie as she squeezed her eyes shut, _Visitors, really?_

That wasn't Lizzy's voice, if it was she wouldn't have flipped out. Instead, it was 4 green smurfs with an enthusiasm that could hit the roof off any building. Kazooie was immediately annoyed, especially when they called her "Birdy". _Lizzy,_ she thought, _Hurry up, please and save me!_

"Hey, Kazooie," said one of the green smurfs as he turned off the radio, "Name's Jared, how you're doing?"

"Fine." lied Kazooie as she sat back up, she winced as her broken leg stings her in the process.

"Look at these feathers," said another green smurf as he began to run his fingers through Kazooie's feather coat, "So pretty."

"Can you please stop?" asked Kazooie politely.

Another green smurf tried to stroke Kazooie's head, but she tried to shrug it off. She even craned her neck just to get out of reached, "Why do you have to be so selfish?" asked Jared.

"Selfish? You're bugging me."

"We aren't bugs."

"For the moment you are."

"What? I didn't understand that."

"I said that YOU ARE BUGS!"

The look on the green smurfs' faces showed confusion, Kazooie felt her temperature rise up from rage. She was so mad that she wanted to peck them to death at the moment. Without warning, a cold blast of water shot her in the back. Kazooie squealed as the sting of the water trickled down her spine, all anger had been removed from her mind immediately as the green smurfs hose her down. Had there been a hose behind her back all this time? Was it a sneak attack?

"AH! AH!" Kazooie cried as she got a face full of cold water. The hissing of the hose as it spews water at her like a jet liner was loud, so loud that it would probably get stuck in her mind like a tune that never goes away. She placed her drenched useless wings over her face in an effort to protect herself, since they were already damaged they offer little protection.

"Stop! Stop!" cried Lizzy's voice, "You're hurting her!"

The hose was turned off as commanded, Kazooie looked up and saw Lizzy rushing towards her in panic. "Why!" cried Lizzy as she hugged Kazooie's head.

"The Wunderwaffe sent us to test her," said Jared, "She clearly failed."

"It was a test!" asked Kazooie in shock, "Damn it!"

Shivering violently, Kazooie was helped out of the water-soaked bed by the green smurfs, she was so cold that her broken leg gave off little pain. As the bed was dragged outside, the green smurfs wrapped towels around Kazooie and began to dry her off. "Let's get her a new bed guys," said Jared, "Get her a softer and thicker one this time with a built-in heating device."

"Roger."

After a few minutes, the green smurfs returned with a new bed. Kazooie had no clue where they'd got it from, it was thick and rectangular with the color of tan, it already appears comforting. But before they could drag it in however, the green smurfs wiped every corner of the tent dry from water, all in the while Lizzy was hugging Kazooie in order to provide warmth. Even though the floor of the tent was now mud, one of the green smurfs brought in a vacuum and sucked up most of the water, then sprinkled some rice on the floor before putting a tarp over it.

Finally they brought in the bed and laid it on the tarp before helping Kazooie onto it, "That was not nice." pouted Lizzy.

"Chernov's orders," said one of the green smurfs, "Blame it on him."

"No," said Kazooie, "I had it coming, I shouldn't have blown my temper."

Chernov wasn't kidding, he meant every word he said. If Kazooie is going to get her basic needs, she would have to cooperate with the green smurfs. "We'll go get some extra blankets." said the green smurfs.

With that, they left the girls alone. Kazooie held her head down, still shivering from the cold water. Sure enough, the hissing sound was stuck in her head like glue. "My leg hurts." whimpered Kazooie.

"It's okay Kazooie," said Lizzy, "I'll keep you company."

"Thanks, you're a true friend."

"Awweee."

Lizzy kissed Kazooie on the cheek, a good sign that she was on the right track.

When the green smurfs came back with the blankets, they wrapped Kazooie with them. The blankets were thick and helped Kazooie get warm, she felt relaxed already, "Since you flared," said a green smurf, "There won't be any dinner for you tonight Kazooie."

"Jared," said Lizzy, "That's too harsh!"

"I'm not trying to be mean," said Jared, "Chernov's orders states it clear, no dinner for Kazooie tonight."

Kazooie groaned as she slumped onto her side, already she was feeling hungry.

Jared turned to the other green smurfs and said, "Head home guys, I'll wrap things up here."

"Sure, bro." said one of the green smurfs.

As the three green smurfs leave, Jared kicked the hose back outside via underneath the tent walls, "Even though we shouldn't have been bugging you," said Jared as he sat down on the foot of the bed, "We're simply testing your resistance, it'll take awhile but you'll get used to it. You're going to be experiencing this kind of stress for quite awhile."

"So they're just going to keep coming?" asked Kazooie.

"Sometimes, sometimes not."

"Crap."

"Don't worry, we'll make sure that they won't stress you out. You'll have all the peace and quiet in the world."

"That's reassuring."

"You bet it is. It's getting dark, I best be going or my girlfriend will kill me. Have a nice sleep Kazooie, we'll see you in the morning."

Jared patted Kazooie twice on the shoulder before leaving, Lizzy wrapped her arms around Kazooie's neck again and held on tight, "Your feathers are so messed up," she complained, "I can see the skin underneath."

"Please keep me warm." said Kazooie.

"The bed has a heating element to it, it will keep you nice and cozy."

"Can you get me a pillow?"

"Sure."

Lizzy got up and left, she quickly returned with a plush pillow. She placed it underneath Kazooie's head and the bird snuggled into it, "Much better," she said, "Much, much, better."

"They have eyes and ears everywhere, Kazooie," warned Lizzy, "Which means I can't sneak food in for you without getting caught, no matter how hard I try."

"It's okay, Lizzy. You did enough for one night."

"Goodnight Kazooie."

"Goodnight Lizzy."

Lizzy turned off the electric lantern lighting the room before jumping into bed with Kazooie, from there, the breegull managed to fall asleep for the night.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

The start of a new day had rolled into view, Kazooie can sense it clearly. Once awake, she realized how exhausted she was. Being angry takes energy, and she had no energy. Skipping dinner last night was bad, she couldn't feel any more hungrier.

_What a night, _she thought, _I wondered what's in schedule this morning._

Kazooie lifted up her head and saw Lizzy was nowhere in sight, maybe she had gone off to go get some breakfast. Even though she felt a bit lonely, the radio was on and it was playing some music. The digital clock on the radio soon read 7:30AM, then Rick's voice crackled through its speaker.

"Good morning Smurf Civilization," said Rick, "The temperature today is 7 degrees Celsius and a humidity at an all time low, we're going to have a bit of rain this evening with a chance of 40%. If anyone is outdoors at the moment, you might wanna dress in something warm."

_The only thing warm is in bed. _Kazooie thought.

"Our Gargamel Watch today is around 3 today, our grandfather seemed to be up to no good once again. He seemed to be leaving his hovel for important meetings of some smurf rivals, we don't know what these meetings are but it seemed to be related for another devious plot. Despite the moderate threat of Gargamel, we're around DEFCON 4 for the time being."

_What's DEFCON?_

"Okay, we got a visitor here. Our very own Chad, yes the same Chad who is popular for a couple of music. He had been checked out of the infirmary today and he had decided to spend some time to talk to all of us. Hey bro, good to see you."

"Good to see you too, Rickie." said Chad.

_Why do I have a scarey feeling about him?_

"So Chad, we all know that you had captured a breegull about a few days ago."

"Yeah, me and Judd was out looking for some dinner to feed the kids. We went by our usual traps and found one of them had been triggered, there was this red-orange bird simply laying on the ground. Nearby was a bear who appeared he was having a terrible headache, this bear was humanoid and I later found out that his name was Banjo."

_So you did see him._

So what did you do next, Chad?"

"Me and Judd carried the breegull out of there, the humanoid bear had his back turned and he wasn't aware of us at all. He made it too easy."

"Why did you take the breegull?"

"We were hoping it was dinner, only to find out it can talk and have an attitude. Kazooie was her name."

"So it's a female."

"At least that what the genitals look like."

_You looked at my what!_

"Did you at least talked to it?"

"I only spoke with it once, me and Judd were teasing her a little bit. She tried to attack us but the bond we slapped onto her wrist earlier held her back, and made her kiss the dirt. We left soon afterwords. But when we came around the next morning, she was gone."

"Gone, she got away?"

"She didn't got that far..."

_I wish I had._

"...We looked around a bit and followed her footprints, literally. It wasn't long before we found her at the bottom of the massive trench."

"Dead Drop Trench?"

"Yes Rick, Dead Drop Trench. During the Humanoid Wars, it was used to stash the bodies of Red Smurfs we killed. And at times, it was used for cremation. Kazooie just so happened to had fell straight into it, her leg, ironically the one we cuffed, was horribly mangled. She is alive, we managed to get her out of there with the help of a couple of smurfvees a few minutes later."

_No wonder I was so scared when I fell down that deep trench._

"We went straight on fixing her leg up, but it was broken at the shin and ankle. I felt guilty about her since I was responsible for keeping her in that pen, injured or not, the Wunderwaffe is furious at me."

"He did punched you hard in the face, knocking you unconscious."

"Yeah, he didn't hit me in the eye though. Just crushed some bone around my eyebrow and cheek, the area had swelled up and my eye was sealed from the swelling. I have some bandages wrapped around my head that covered the area, I used some ice to dull the pain."

"Now had Chernov apologized to you yet?"

"He just did last night, but I had deaf ears. I was more focused on Kazooie, the soul reason I was in this tight spot anyway. Forgiveness from our leader will do nothing to make Kazooie's own injuries to go away. He is responsible for us, he had to do his job in this kind of punishment due to our nature."

"You're never the brightest bulb, Chad."

"I finally popped Rick, and now I need a new one to take over this body of mine. I, I just feel bad about Kazooie. She's a beautiful bird, there's some sort of charm to her. Yes, I know that Kazooie looked similar to a chicken and turkey but really, she had been insulted enough which is why she is such a snob."

"Had you noticed a change in her when she broke her leg?"

"I saw sheer terror and fear, she's scared, scared that she is now fully under our thumb. Chernov of course, now had to deal with her directly, and it's all my fault. I'm not sure if I'm even fit to continue to raise my daughter Katusha, she had lost her mom from a factory accident and I don't want her to loose her father from this foolish act."

"Emotions are running high ever since Kazooie arrived?"

"Mostly those who are involved, I admitted that I had some help pinning her into an enclosure."

"We gotta wrap things up Chad, there's a schedule I need to mend and-"

"Okay Rick, it's good to chat with you about this issue."

"You're welcome, you feel better now that you had let it all out?"

"I feel still sore in the head, might be weeks for emotional recovery to be completed."

"See yah, Chad."

"Bye, bro."

"Okay, now I have a song here for you boys and girls to listen to. Chernov made this one, and I have to admit I helped him at it. He's one of the few smurfs I know that has a great singing voice."

Just as the song began to play, Lizzy came walking in with a large metal bucket. She turned down the radio just a tab before setting it down, "Morning Kazooie," she said, "How are you today?"

"Tired." grumbled Kazooie.

"You hungry?"

"Can you hear my stomach growling?"

"Well, I got you something."

She reached into the bucket and pulled out a submarine sandwich, which is made up of tomatoes and meatballs laced in mozzarella cheese. It smelled really good and Kazooie's mouth was already watering. "Open wide." said Lizzy.

Kazooie opened her mouth as Lizzy shoved it in, she almost choked at first but managed to take her time. A smurf-sized sandwich is something she could eat whole, but common sense told her that her gizzard won't handle it properly. In fact, there were some small pebbles in the sandwich. Impressive.

She managed to wolf it down like a young chick receiving food from its mother, when Kazooie finished Lizzy gave her some water which she let her pour into her mouth. Kazooie felt a bit embarrassed that someone was taking care of her, but at least someone cared for her.

"Was it good?" asked Lizzy.

"Yes," said Kazooie, "Is there more?"

Lizzy laughed, "Yeah, I just happened to bring two of them."

When a second sandwich went down her throat, Kazooie finally felt full in days. She had been tired with a diet of pizza after almost a decade of eating them, in fact eating something new was more rarer than Banjo working out. Relieved, Kazooie rest her head as Lizzy stroked it. "Full?" she asked.

"Yeah." said Kazooie.

"You need anything else?"

"No."

"Okay."

As Lizzy went on to scratch her head, Kazooie thought about the time when Banjo did some cooking. About three weeks ago, he was trying to cook up this soup he found on the internet. Banjo managed to gather up local ingredients from the nearby garden near their home, Kazooie sat there on the bed and watched as he put together the soup. She had a bad feeling about his cooking, in fact wasn't to sure if he could pull this one off.

"Now just a couple of turnips." said Banjo to himself as he added the turnips.

He followed _almost_ every direction in the cook book. Kazooie knew that Banjo had turned up the heat a bit to high on the old gas stove, she insisted on getting one of those induction cook tops but Banjo was too lazy to go out and buy one. The old stove he had was made in the sixties, she grew concerned every time Banjo used it. Not that his cooking was any good but he tends to _forget_ to turn it off. And for some reason, something in the stove removed most of the rotten egg smell from the natural gas powering it.

The first sign of trouble came around when Kazooie spotted some traces of smoke underneath the stove, Banjo was too focused into the soup that he was oblivious to the danger. Her eyes immediately shot over to the fire extinguisher mounted onto the wall. It too, was old, a silver fire extinguisher that fires jets of high-pressurized water. Not much thought was put in about getting a new one, those red chemical fire extinguishers she had heard about. Kazooie knew that they're ineffective against Class B fires, those kinds of fires can be created by, oh, a stove. And good luck using that old fire extinguisher against a Class K fire, it's like pouring gasoline on them.

Banjo of course, didn't know that. Lazy bum. Tootie hadn't have much luck in getting him to modernize in some ways, the only thing he did modernize was getting the new Xbox 360 and ditch the old Nintendo 64 at GameStop. Although Kazooie wanted to get the Nintendo Wii, she didn't bother saying anything since she knew Banjo would oppose the "physical labor" to play it.

The smoke was starting to build underneath the stove, Kazooie can see it building up in a pocket of air. It was waiting to come out, and Kazooie knew that it wouldn't be pretty once it did. When Banjo was about to turn up the gas knob higher, Kazooie was already sneaking out the front door. By the time she got outside, she felt the rush of heat blast past her feathers as Banjo squealed like a Prairie dog.

Kazooie looked back inside the single-room house and saw the entire stove _on fire_, Banjo was desperately trying to put it out by grabbing the old fire extinguisher and blasting the blaze with it's contents. As expected, the fire extinguisher was having a hard time putting it out. "Come on!" he cursed, "Put it out!"

Surprisingly he managed to put it out, Banjo pants as he opened up the windows to let out the smoke that had built up. He coughed as Kazooie was somewhat laughing at him for his incompetence. "Okay Kazooie," he said, "It's safe to come in now."

Ironically, the conflagration returned. The new one engulfed the entire stove like a demon, and Banjo tried to put it out again. Kazooie sighed as she head around back and turned off the gas line in the back. When she returned, Banjo finally put out the second fire. "Now can we go get a new stove?" she asked.

Banjo looked at her, still in shock from the fire, "Let's go to the appliance store." he replied.

"Kazooie?" said Lizzy.

Kazooie opened her eyes and realized Lizzy was still stroking her head, "Yeah?" she asked.

"Are you bored?"

"Yup, do you know of the term _video game_?"

"Video games? Oh my god, green smurfs love video games. In fact, the green smurf theme song is actually the Tetris theme song."

"Korobeiniki?"

"You know the song!"

"Me and Banjo are good at video games."

"The blue smurfs don't even know what video games are, we're working hard into making a decent game. The only thing we managed to perfect was Tetris."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

Well that's something for Kazooie to keep in mind for awhile: Video games are crap in the Colony. Bummer.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

An hour went by as Kazooie was listening to the radio, Lizzy was nearby reading the a book about bird aviation. For awhile now, Kazooie thought about the days she and Banjo had spent some time with each other. One thing she remembered was that they were playing the new Xbox 360 on a really old TV, the CRT TV (also known as the "boob" tube) was having trouble doing it's job. In fact, the Xbox proved to powerful on the old television set and it got to a point where a circuit inside the television literally blew from overheating.

She and Banjo jumped upon hearing the loud pop and seeing the smoke rise out of the TV, Banjo wisely sat the controller aside and pulled out the plug from the wall to prevent an electrical fire. He had put off buying a new TV for quite awhile, now the one they had defected they're forced to go out and buy a new one. Kazooie thought they might go out for another adventure, that hope soon faded when Banjo said, "Let's get a new TV, Kazooie."

_Crap_. Kazooie thought.

"Sure Banjo." said Kazooie.

She jumped into the blue backpack and the duo head off to the nearby store. Along the way, Kazooie vented her frustration by pecking at Banjo's head, precisely timed. He first shrugged it off, but after the 4th time he wringed her around the neck with his hand temporarily. That got her to stop for the time being.

As they past by several stores, such as a GameStop. The duo passed by one of the many stores associated with home construction, they recalled how much use they once were when they were rebuilding their house after Gruntilda's magic attack. Once all that's done, Pizza Hut and GameStop became the usual places to visit. It had been awhile since they went to the electronic's store, only recently they had put in a video game division.

Once they were at the store, it just so happened there was a 2% discount on TVs today. The new Liquid Crystal Display TVs were impressive, so impressive that they amazed anyone with eyes. When the duo head into the store, they saw every sized screen TV lined up across the wall. In other places of the store were DVD players, video cameras, wall phones, cell phones, GPS, computers, and MP3 players. The new video game section was at the other part of the store, which Banjo missed entirely. His mind had been set on a TV, not the usual games.

A red fox was working at one of the desks, he was wearing the red t-shirt uniform and a pair of black trousers. His shoes appeared to be black boots, army style. Make sense because there's a lot of terrain in the region. The fox's most impressive feature was his two bushy tails, it had been awhile since the duo had seen such bushy tails.

They approached the store clerk who was busy writing down information on a clipboard, he looked up and saw the two approached, Kazooie can tell the look on his face as recognition. "Banjo," said the fox, "My name is Mark Prower, its been awhile since I'd heard of you on the media."

"On occasion we could be on the evening news." joked Kazooie.

"I see that." said Mark.

"We're looking for a new TV," said Banjo, "The one we had died on us."

"It was the most unforgiving boob tube we ever had," said Kazooie, "It just had to die."

"Right this way, you two." said Mark.

Mark showed the duo many of the television sets on the wall, such as the 80 centimeter screen, the 100 cm screen, and the large 130 cm screen. There were even 3D TV screens and the so-called rimless TVs. Kazooie was impressed by the TVs, so impressed that she wondered what she'll look like on one of them. Banjo picked out the 100 cm Vizio LCD TV, though Kazooie opposed saying that they're "unrepairable." Nonetheless, her words fell on deaf ears. At times Banjo listened, and at times he doesn't.

Banjo managed to pay at least $60 dollars for the new TV, all in the while Kazooie had her head stuffed into the backpack. She wanted to insult the clerk, complimenting badly on his two tails, but since he didn't insult her, (which was a surprise), she kept her comments to herself.

Her friend carried the TV home, it was surprisingly lightweight. When Kazooie stuck her head out of the backpack, she noticed they were back home. "Well that was fast." said Kazooie.

"Definitely fast." said Banjo.

Kazooie did the honors of tossing out the old boob tube, she tossed it into the metal trashcan and slammed the lid on it. When she got back inside, Banjo was there hooking everything up, "Okay," he said, "Let's hope this works."

As Kazooie sat down in a chair, Banjo turned on the new TV. When it came on, it displayed the Vizio welcome screen. _Well, that's new. _Thought Kazooie.

After a few seconds, everything went downhill when the power in their house shuts off and the Xbox and HDTV shuts off. "I guess the fuse box can't take the power." said Banjo.

"It could have been worse," said Kazooie, "The fuse box could have-"

The fuse box itself, which was near the kitchen next to the new induction cook top, exploded. The panel door flew open and fire shot out of it like a dragon's breath. "Exploded." finished Kazooie.

"Ah crap!" cursed Banjo.

He quickly got up and nearly tripped over his chair in the process, Banjo rushed over to the old fire extinguisher and attempted to put out the fire with it. Kazooie was horrified when Banjo sprayed the fire with the water-based fire extinguisher and completed a circuit. He yelped as the electricity blast him and Kazooie to the moon in a ball of fire.

Kazooie screamed, when she opened her eyes she found Lizzy rushing towards her in shock. "It's only a dream Kazooie," said the green smurfette, "It was only a dream."

She pants before gulping, "Wow," said Kazooie, "Can you get electrocuted by spraying a live fuse box with a water-based fire extinguisher?"

"No," said Lizzy, "The blast is to powerful to provide a steady current."

Of course that last part didn't actually happened, there hadn't been a fire at all. Banjo simply got up and replaced the broken fuse and the two went on to playing their video games, had the stress of loosing Banjo and breaking her leg making her memories a bit fuzzy? But there was something else now causing her problems, she felt a lot of pressure in her behind, and it was becoming discomforting by the minute.

"I need to use the bathroom," said Kazooie, "NOW!"

"Alright, alright," said Lizzy, "I'll go get some green smurfs to help you, just stay calm okay?"

Lizzy ran off as Kazooie began to grown, Kazooie realized how painful her stomach feels. Her "stool" must be solid, it was constipation. She hadn't used the bathroom at all since Day 1, and now she was suffering the consequences. She spread out her wings and pressed her head against the pillow, it was more severe than she thought.

Lizzy soon came back, Jared, Chad, and Judd followed her from behind. Kazooie saw Chad's left eye was covered in bandages that were wrapped around his head, his punishment had been that bad after all. "Kazooie," said Chad, "Use your good leg as we get you outside."

"Come on," said Jared, "Work with us, birdy."

The green smurfs got on both sides and helped her up as Kazooie stood on her good leg, then she hobbled along as the green smurfs carried some of her weight out side. Once out into the fresh air, the green smurfs took Kazooie over to a white kiddie pool settled up just next to the tent. Kazooie couldn't believe how much her luck was against her. White, seriously? Might as well do her business in the bed than on something that could help identify droppings.

Kazooie's rear was placed over the kiddie pool as they help relax her weight on a metal drum barrel, "Okay Kazooie," said Lizzy, "Let it out."

Reluctantly, she tried her best to push out all the waste. But it was stuck in there good, and her bowels refused to budge. "When's the last time you had used the bathroom?" asked Chad.

"Before I left home." said Kazooie.

"No wonder," said Chad, "Judd, see if you can get her bowels unstuck."

"Okay." said Judd.

Judd put on some plastic gloves and laid underneath Kazooie's butt, she yelped as the fat green smurf stuck his index finger into her rectum. On other circumstances, she would have deemed it inappropriate. Feeling his finger deep into her rectum felt like a snake trying to burrow its way inside her, it was more uncomfortable than the constipation itself. She felt Judd dislodged something, and some air escaped out the anus. It smelled horrible, but it relaxed her a little bit.

"Her sh#t is solid," said Judd as removed his finger out of Kazooie's bum, "It's stuck in her good, we're going to need a clyster syringe."

"What's a clyster syringe?" she asked.

"Oh, you'll see."

He ran off to go fetch it, and after a couple of long agonizing minutes he returned with the clyster syringe. The size of it, not to mention it's looks, reminded Kazooie of an old style coffee pot. "Oh god." she said.

"Don't hurt her with it." said Lizzy.

"Don't worry," said Judd, "I've done this before, simple water will do the job just fine."

"But not on birds." noted Chad.

"Until today."

Judd carefully inserted the nozzle of the clyster into Kazooie's rectum and injected the water into her colon. She felt the pressure sharply increase, it felt odd and unnatural. Chad kept her tail up during the entire process, making it easier for Judd to perform the enema. "Okay," said Judd, "That's all of it, now we let it sit for awhile before-"

He was cut off when Kazooie expelled all of the contents in her colon, Judd yelped as he quickly got out of the kiddie pool as all the fecal matter that had been building up for days came shooting out like a pressure hose. It was the longest 10 seconds Kazooie had to endure until everything in her bowels were soon removed and was now steaming on the floor of the kiddie pool. Kazooie pants as Lizzy stroke her head, "All better?" she asked.

"Yeah," said Kazooie, "Everything's out."

"Get the hose so we can wash her butt off, Chad." said Jared.

"Okay, bro."

Chad picked up the nearby hose hanging off of it's water pipe and turned it on it let out a stream of water as he began to wash Kazooie's butt off, she felt relieved that the pressure was gone and felt everything relaxing inside her. She wished her broken leg would feel the same way. "Done," said Chad, "Her ass is clean enough to eat off of."

"I'll get a truck to haul all of this crap off," said Jared, "Let's get her back inside guys."

The green smurfs managed to get Kazooie back inside the tent and sat her back in her bed, she flopped onto it as Lizzy placed some blankets over her. "I'm sorry Kazooie," said Chad as he sat down on the bed and stroke her head, "I'm sorry for bringing you here, for everything."

"To come to think of it," said Kazooie, "If you hadn't kidnapped me, me and Banjo would have missed the Smurf Village entirely. Maybe the predatory creatures that lurked the dark might have finished us off for good, which means, I'm screwed either way."

"Had you been in rougher periods?"

"Yeah, I had. At least you did some good, how's your eye?"

"Strangely it doesn't hurt," said Chad, "Of course it hurt from the start, but not as much now since you're okay, and that what's matters."

Kazooie cracked a smile as she rested her head on her pillow, the music on the radio soon end and the all familiar Richard Reznov came yapping out of it, "Okay we got ourselves a missing person's report, a brown honey bear named Banjo, male, probably in his early thirties. He wears yellow shorts, a blue backpack, and a shark-tooth necklace. He might had suffered a head injury after he stuck his nose where it doesn't belong, if any green smurf is out in the forest or in the skies flying around, please keep an eye out. He is described as fat and lazy, so he shouldn't be that hard to find."

"That's how I would've described him," said Kazooie, "Never get's up in the morning."

All the green smurfs laughed, though a part of Kazooie felt bad for wisecracking about Banjo. She thought of how he was doing out there in the wilderness, Kazooie wondered if he was thinking about her. It wasn't the first time Banjo and Kazooie had been separated, she dare not think about the last time. Her objective was originally going to be finding the Smurf Village, now it shifted into finding Banjo, the Smurf Village would have to wait.

"Now I know you folks are wondering," continued Rick, "Your thinking, 'We keep hearing about Banjo and Kazooie almost every day now!' True, seems that our world has collided with theirs in some way. But hey, meeting new people is good, helps exchange new ideas you know. Any who, I am proud to tell you Green Smurf Colony that we just had a recent surge in the production of alcohol this week! Free moonshine and beer for all!"

"Ura!" cheered the green smurfs.

"What's moonshine?" asked Kazooie.

"A type of liquor traditionally made at night," said Lizzy, "It's like a party in a bottle."

_Hmm... _Thought Kazooie.

"Party in a bottle you say," said Kazooie, "You think you can get me a couple of bottles of that stuff?"

"Maybe," said Lizzy, "The stuff is a bit strong, may help numb the pain in your leg."

"Just get her the damn booze, sissy," said Chad, "Let her have some fun for awhile, this old bird had suffered enough."

"Well I suppose we could use it as pain killers," said Lizzy, "Oh, what the hell."

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

When night falls, Lizzy managed to retrieve a crate of beer and moonshine from the nearby distillery awhile Jared had a truck hauled away all the feces dumped earlier by truck. When they returned, the whole place was quickly littered with beer and moonshine bottles. Kazooie was eager to taste the moonshine, which was stashed inside glass jugs. A couple of those can knock a green smurf out cold faster than Chernov's fist, Kazooie might have better luck though.

As all the green smurfs got a chair, Kazooie took a swig from one of the moonshine bottles using her good foot. It tasted horrible, but it wasn't long before it began to taste ridiculously good. "How was it Kazooie?" asked Lizzy.

"Has some sort of sour then sweet flavor to it." said Kazooie.

"Happens to all liquor." said Chad.

At that moment, some more green smurfs came into the tent. Three of them, a male, a green smurfette with blond hair in a camouflaged dress, and another male. "You're having a party without me?" asked one of the green smurfs. Kazooie recognized the voice, it was Rick.

"Hey," said Kazooie, "Your that green smurf on the radio!"

"And your that bird who has captured the imagination of my brethren," said Rick as she shook Kazooie's wing, "Richard Reznov, 2nd in command of the Green Smurf Colony and one of many advisers of Chernov Reznov."

"I'm Sarah," said the blonde green smurfette, "I'm the head of the Green Smurf Air Force, though I have other jobs during peace time."

"And I'm Greg," said the other green smurf, "Secretary of War and one of many generals of the Green Smurf Army."

"So two of you are advisers?" asked Kazooie.

"Yeah," said Greg, "I got my job just a month ago."

"I used to be a scout," said Rick, "But when Chernov came into power, I was first given a de facto position but was soon placed by Chernov to be his 2nd in command. There hadn't been an official name yet, since we're no longer using the term Papa Smurf. Chernov is the Wunderwaffe, which means "Wonder Weapon" in German. That's his nickname, in fact there hadn't been an official title for being the leader of the Green Smurf Colony yet."

"Its so different from the Smurf Village of leadership." said Kazooie.

"A disadvantage of having a _Papa Smurf_ is that there's no line of succession when he dies," said Chad, "All he has is a de facto successor, Brainy Smurf."

"I would not wanna be a smurf in that village during a shift of power," said Jared, "At all."

"Truth is we get the job by passing some qualifications," said Greg, "We aren't sure what these qualifications are, but he sure picks out the best out of his half-siblings."

"So why not Chernov be titled as President?" asked Kazooie.

"This is a _military_ smurf society," said Chad, "Not the society of the Smurf Village, every green smurf here is bred for war with good reason. The irony is that there isn't very much discipline around here to begin with."

"In the meantime," said Lizzy, "We tend to have fun at our professions or on break, there's more opportunity here than the Smurf Village anyway."

"You know," said Jared, "Let's put our problems and worries aside and drink ourselves till we fall asleep."

"Or maybe for good stories." said Lizzy.

"That too." said Jared as all the green smurfs tapped all their bottles together, including Kazooie's.

**. . .**

"Okay," said Rick, "So what you're saying is that, uhh... your friend does most of the laundry."

"In fact he _does_ the laundry," laughed Kazooie as she tossed an empty moonshine jug onto the pile of ever growing booze bottles, "And at one time he shrank his underwear."

All the green smurfs laughed hysterically as Kazooie took grabbed another moonshine bottle and took a swig. Somehow she felt better, the booze was working it's magic. Maybe a third bottle will help get her groove on. "So Kazooie," said Lizzy, "By any chance, and I mean by any chance that he _accidentally_ washes you in the washing machine?"

"He did once." mumbled Kazooie.

Lizzy cracked a silly grin, "What was it like?"

"Well here's the story."

Kazooie went on to tell the green smurfs about the day they went to the laundry mat to get some cleaning done, Kazooie opposed laundry since she doesn't wear clothes and have to wash and dry Banjo's many pairs of yellow shorts and undergarments. When the new laundry mat was erected in town, Banjo and Kazooie went there to get some clothes clean.

Once there, Banjo, being Banjo, stuffed one of the high-tech washing machines with his dirty laundry without checking the pockets. He then took off his blue backpack and smelled it, the stench of rotten eggs and body odor filled his nostrils quite fast.

"Oh," he said, "That smelled horrible."

He wound up tossing the backpack into the washing machine, unaware that Kazooie was inside. Banjo set the washing machine to quick wash before turning the machine on, it took a moment for Kazooie to realize what was happening before gravity began circling in all directions. It was dark and dizzying, the water nearly drowned her. During that entire time, Kazooie was cursing to herself about Banjo's laziness, how could have he forgotten about her? She spends a lot of time in that backpack for crying out loud!

Few minutes went by and it wasn't long before the washing was complete, Kazooie was too dizzy to get make her way out of the backpack. Banjo went on to moving the laundry into the dryer, and it wasn't long before Kazooie's world began spinning again. This time, everything was becoming warm. Then it got hot, Kazooie almost thought that she was being roasted inside an oven.

Thankfully the dry lasted only a few minutes, and by the time Banjo was moving all of his laundry into the basket. We got out the backpack and Kazooie fell out of it and onto the floor, her feathers were all fluffed up which made her look like a plush doll. "Kazooie?" Banjo asked, "Are you okay?"

"You... idiot." mumbled Kazooie.

Kazooie was too dizzy to do anything else, the spirals in her eyes says otherwise. If she wasn't dizzy, she would have been pecking Banjo's head to death by now. Banjo simply put her back into the backpack, put it on, gathered all of the laundry, and headed off for home.

"Hilarious," laughed Chad, "So you went through a washing machine and dryer, and after all that you survived?"

"Yeah," said Kazooie, "I couldn't work up much hate for Banjo since Mumbo Jumbo, a shaman who was our friend, later ate his words for calling me a filthy feathered one. He wound up calling me fluffy feathered one afterwords, I just wanted to tear his eyes out with my talons but Banjo held me back."

"I wonder what will happen if you went through that process in heavy duty," said Sarah, "You might turn out so clean inside too."

Everyone laughed hard and took another swig of booze, "Wow," said Kazooie, "What did they put in this stuff?"

"It's a bit complicated," said Rick, "So complicated that I couldn't even tell you how it all works without skipping some steps."

"I've been through more complicated matters."

"I'm sure you had."

After some time of talking, Kazooie began to feel really depressed. She managed to finished the third moonshine bottle and sat it aside, it wasn't long before the green smurf took noticed, "You know," she said, "I miss him, I miss him a lot. I missed Banjo's laziness and part-time incompetence. He was the only person I had ever met who never insults me and always cared for me. I wish he would come back, I wish he would."

"Don't worry Kazooie," said Chad, "He's probably thinking of the same thing, he'll turn up soon enough. Just don't worry, everything is going to be okay. Me and my siblings will find your friend in no time, heck, we're looking for him 24/7. Did I tell you that we're close to find him?"

Kazooie looked at Chad with some hope, "You are?"

"Well we found some traces of him, some footprints and and such. We managed to trace where he's going, and to the looks of his projective he's heading towards the Smurf Village. Though he's going slightly off course, it isn't easy finding that village however. The human civilizations nearby couldn't have come close to finding it, Grandfather Gargamel had been looking for it since his teens and always tripped at the finish line when finding it."

"Who is your grandfather, what is he like?"

"He's an evil human being, yet an excellent wizard. Despite his grudges against the smurfs, he managed to have a better relationship with the green smurfs. He even knows where the Colony is, we made sure though that he wouldn't capture us for dinner or for his hopeless alchemy experiments. You know, he sometimes ask us to help him. Most of us refused since Chernov forbid us to assist him, I gave it a shot one time and failed, I sent Gargamel a letter telling him that I was launched to the moon. We nearly lost him as a trading partner that day, and it was all my fault."

"What did you try to help him for?"

Chad looked Kazooie with this uninjured eye sternly, "You don't wanna know."

"Sorry for asking."

"Well, you're not the first one Kazooie."

"I had my own problems with Chernov," said Rick, "I'm solely responsible for delivering information to him, even when it's urgent. At times, he get's to know stuff before I tell you about it. I'm his eyes and ears, and my skills as a scout had paid off on some occasions. Operating a radio, hell, it helps me exercise those skills."

"What about me?" asked Kazooie, "When did you tell Chernov about me?"

"A little snob aren't you? Well I told Chernov about you right after you broke your leg, and I got in trouble a little about it because I'm suppose to inform him about _curious_ visitors. He never hit me or anything, I'm probably his closest friend he ever has."

"How close?"

"Well, not as close as you and Banjo. But we keep in touch once a day, or once a week if he's moody. Poor half-brother, on some days I wonder, when he'll show up in a good mood. The only thing that makes him _really _happy is alcohol, and he is safe to be around when he's drunk. He never drinks though, so getting him drunk is always a challenge. I personally oppose it since I have to be the designated driver in this situation, and I worry if something serious happens that he wouldn't be there to help."

"He does have his hard love tactics."

"He doesn't like using them, never does. He only uses them when dealing with stubborn, incompetent, or defiant people. He later told me personally that he nearly cried about getting you sprayed with water, stuff like this never sits well in his mind depending on the character."

"When he gave me the order," said Jared, "I saw a little bit of weakness in his eyes, I hadn't thought much about it till now."

"I wonder how Rachael handles it," said Lizzy, "She had been a close friend of mind since we were born, when Chernov showed up she went with him. I miss her so much."

"Rachael likes to be with Smurfette a lot," said Rick, "Can't blame her, evolution made her that way. Besides, she had a crush on Chernov for a long time. I never thought he would ever fall in love, at the time he was a bit cruel and unforgiving. Rachael somehow softened him up a bit, and ever since he treated _any_ green smurfette he encountered like a daughter. Kazooie, he's treating you like one of his children."

"And I had to admit he's doing a good job," said Kazooie, "Though he is somewhat of a controversial figure."

"Controversial?" asked Rick, "The smurfs had been accused for being communist, sexist, and racist by ignorant humans. The tone was horrible, I mean, I never heard anything like it. Chernov is low under their radar, in fact most humans don't even know him at all. And those who heard about him doubt his existence, a green smurf acting human, impossible."

"Yet he exist."

"Indeed, he does."

"Had you ever thought about having children, Kazooie?" asked Lizzy.

"Never thought about it once," said Kazooie, "I'm not suited for taking care of children, in fact I never even had done that... thing."

"What, you never even got laid? Me neither."

"Someone like me has no room for romance, love, but not the romantic kind. Heck, I never even met another breegull in 6 years. I'm not up for being in such a position, I prefer friends, not love partners."

Kazooie rest her head and let the buzz settle in, "I'm too tired guys," she muttered, "Is it night now?"

"Yeah," said Rick, "Had it already been half an hour?"

"I think so." said Lizzy.

"I guess it's time for us to go home," said Jared as he gets up, "What about all of you guys?"

"I'm going." said Greg.

"I am too." said Sarah.

"I have a girlfriend to watch over." said Rick.

"And I have a daughter to tend to." said Chad

Greg tried to get up, but collapsed onto the ground in a dead heap. Everyone laughed as he struggled to get up onto his feet, the booze had clearly clouded his coordination, "It can all wait till tomorrow." he grumbled.

Chad helped Greg up and offered him his shoulder, "I'll see you later Lizzy." said Chad.

"Bye bro." said Lizzy.

"Bye." said Kazooie.

The green smurfs soon leaved, and left Lizzy and Kazooie alone. They can hear them laugh and chat among each other as they head down the road, when they were too far away to hear them Lizzy shut the tent door and turned off the electric lantern. "Night Kazooie." said Lizzy.

Kazooie responded with snores, she was already asleep when the party had cleared. Lizzy pulled the covers up over Kazooie as she got in bed next to her. They were asleep in less than 5 minutes flat.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

It was this weird and crazy drunken dream, she couldn't tell what it is due to all of the fuzziness. In it, Kazooie was running through the forest at the dead of night. She was heading to this place called a Great Oak Tree, supposing a huge tree that was probably hundreds of years old. She didn't knew why, all she knew was that there was something waiting for her there.

All in the while, someone or something was chasing her. Kazooie couldn't see who it was, the darkness was engulfing the path behind her. But she heard it, heavy footfalls, and horrid breathing, so putrid she could even smell it. Her instinct was to fly away, but with damaged wings she couldn't go anywhere in the air. All she could do was run, run on those turkey legs of hers.

"Get over here you chickensh#t!" cursed her pursuer, "You have some debt to pay."

Kazooie made the mistake of looking back, she saw a vague human form, fuzzy at best. But she could see clearly of his weapon of choice, a logging ax, with the blade glistening in the moonlight with blood from a previous victim. Not even with the help of Banjo would fight him back, something was protecting the monster, some supernatural force. Kazooie didn't want to know what the force is, she turned her attention back on the road and kept on running.

"What are you running for turkey?" said the monster, "Did you forget to turn off the stove before you left home?"

She kept on running, eventually reaching some sort of clearing up ahead. Once there, Kazooie saw a vast open savanna, bathed under the glow of the full moon. She ran straight into the horizon, when she looked back she saw the monster following not far behind. When he entered the moonlight, she saw he took the shadows with him, or he was actually _oozing_ shadows out from every pore of his body. Kazooie saw his face, which was partially covered in darkness. It was human, or just a shell of a human.

"You think you can _insult_ every person you meet without consequences?" he barked at her, "You think they don't have feelings! How about poor Bottles you little bitch? he helped you and even died for you! And you treat him like dirt!"

Who was her pursuer? How did he know about Bottles? Was he a stalker to begin with, was he out to kill her for her attitude? Kazooie wasn't so sure, but she had a reason to fear him. The human form could be the most feared in the wild, it alone can terrify any helpless creature. Combine that human form with an animal, and you got yourself a monster. However, you don't have to look inhuman to be a monster, you just have to act like one.

Kazooie was no monster, though she did looked like one at one time (a dragon). Her purser however, was telling her that she cannot be mean without being stood up to. It seemed like it, though he didn't directly say it at all. Her friends might defend her, maybe say some nice stuff about her. But it has nothing to do with personality, it has to do with punishment. Punishment of what exactly?

Maybe, maybe it was a test of her will. To see if she was _really_ that tough. Not physically, but psychologically. If it was indeed a test, she was failing horribly.

Kazooie kept running down the field and eventually saw her destination, an old cabin that was sitting next to a forest and a vast lake that showed the moon's reflection on its undisturbed waters. The forest was a good place to hide a body, but the lake was even better. Fish creatures would pick any corpse clean, all the way to the bone, then the natural bacteria will feast off of what's left. A body dumped into the lake would be gone forever, Kazooie didn't wanna wound up in that fate.

She kept running towards the cabin, her purser closing in. Kazooie's heart raced to keep up with the oxygen demand, but the air seemed to be devoid of oxygen. She tried to use her wings to gain some more speed, but they failed to provide the needed boost. Nonetheless, she made it all the way to the cabin door in one piece. She quickly ran inside and slammed the door behind her before locking it. Kazooie then pressed her back against the door with wings extended, determined to hold him back

The ax blade went clean through the door, Kazooie saw it's head sticking through the hole it made above her, it looked like it was peaking through to see what's inside. Her purser removed the ax from the door and gave it another go, making the hole bigger. Kazooie could never be more terrified than this moment of her life.

_Up stairs! _Cried a faint voice, _What you need is upstairs!_

Kazooie spotted the stairs in question and bolted towards it, instinct told her to go as high as possible. She managed to spot the entrance to the attic, which was at the end of a hallway. There in the dark, Kazooie rushed up to the door and jumped onto the string. The door came down via her own weight and spat out its stairs, she quickly rushed up the stairs and pulled them back as she heard the front door crashed inward from below.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are." said the pursuer, "I have something for _you_."

Kazooie managed to barricade the attic door with an old broom, then pulled out the cord. In the dark, she still didn't feel safe. Maybe there was a flashlight somewhere in this attic, the owners wouldn't miss it. Maybe there could be a gun for her to use.

She started looking, patting her wings all over the place awhile trying to be silent. Kazooie couldn't seem to keep her heart from beating loudly, the thought that this might be the last moments of her life clung to every muscle in her body. Kazooie kept searching, searching feverishly for anything she could use. Kazooie froze when she heard heavy footsteps coming from down below, her spine went cold when she heard the sound of her pursuer's breath making its way through the floor and into her ears.

"Where are you filthy feathered one?" he crooned.

Kazooie shifted one of her wings and found something, some sort of cylinder shaped object. Was it the barrel of a gun? She picked it up and fumbled around with it, then it gave off a powerful bright light.

_You found it! _The faint voice cried.

She suddenly heard something crashed through the floor behind her, Kazooie turned around and saw her pursuer standing before her. He looked slightly bigger than she remembered, more importantly how did he get up here so fast? He began to march towards her, Kazooie made her way to the far corner of the wall, her eyes bled hot tears as fate comes closing in.

"There you are you ugly bird." said the pursuer as he raised the ax.

Kazooie shined the flashlight at her pursuer's face, he let out a monstrous growl in response. The light appeared to be burning him, burning the shadows that encased him in a thick dark cocoon. The burning sound was like a table saw going mad, and it was louder than a banshee's cry. Even though her pursuer was stunned temporarly, he continued to march forward with an arm over his face. With the other arm, he raised the ax once more. Kazooie squeezed her eyes and waited for the killing blow.

It never came, but what she got instead was a humanoid hand gripping the base of her throat. A blast of white light singed her eyes as she dropped the flashlight, she flapped her wings wildly in order to get away but failed. Everything went dark when she was stuffed inside a thick brown sack, it smelled like potatoes, the odor did nothing to knock her mind out of focus.

"Kazooie!" cried Lizzy's voice.

"Help!" Kazooie cried.

"Your screams are useless you feathered bird," said another voice, "You're just what I need for my _special_ experiment."

"Let her go!" cried Lizzy.

"Azrael! Get rid of her!"

Kazooie heard the sound of cat pouncing, followed by Lizzy screaming, "Lizzy!" cried some green smurf voices, "To arms, to arms! We're under attack!"

"Let's get out of here Azrael!" cried the voice.

"Gargamel!" cried Chad's voice, "No!"

Something popped and hissed gas, the green smurfs began to cough profusely. Kazooie felt her broken leg stung her with pain, the sudden stimulus knocked whatever sleep she had left. She realized she had woken up from one nightmare and into another, it was all real. The suffering and cries, everything. Kazooie couldn't struggle anymore and went limp, and her mind went into a fog after that.

**. . .**

Kazooie couldn't remember how long she had been inside that potato sack, it felt like forever. She thought about Lizzy and thought about Banjo, thought about pretty much everything. The whole world had closed in, it wasn't to strangle her lifeless before eating her. Kazooie wanted to get out, she wanted to tear open the bag and escape. But she was too tired, and was still a bit drunk from last night. All she could do was play along.

She listened to the world that had been blocked to her view, Kazooie heard the sound of a door swinging open and shutting, and it wasn't long before she was dumped onto a table. "What do we have here?" said the man called Gargamel, "Is this what we call a breegull?"

Kazooie looked up and saw the evil wizard staring down at her, realizing she was now in his hovel didn't work up much emotion, she was already terrified enough. "Who are you?" she asked, "What are you?"

"I'm the great Gargamel of course," said Gargamel, "An evil wizard hellbent on the destruction of the putrid smurfs, but of course I had turned my attention away for awhile to-"

Gargamel was cut off when a tabby cat came hopping onto the counter, Kazooie saw the seemingly lifeless body of Lizzy inside it's mouth. _Lizzy! _Kazooie screamed in her mind.

"Azrael!" cursed Gargamel, "Drop that, you don't know where's it's been."

Gargamel grabbed Lizzy out of Azrael's mouth and tossed her aside like a rag doll, she slammed into the cobblestone wall and flopped onto a counter below. Kazooie felt her heart ache, this was someone who had dedicated her life to care for her and now was tossed aside like trash. She wanted to return the favor, there's gotta be a way to save Lizzy.

"Where was I?" asked Gargamel, "Oh yeah. Of course I had to turn my attention away for awhile due to the lack of results, and you came into view."

"Why do you need me Big Nose?" said Kazooie.

"Oh your such a pesky one, I'm looking for dinner and I heard about you. There weren't any turkey nor chickens around and I heard the breegull tasted somewhat similar to both, there's only one way to find out."

"Oh no, oh no no no no no! Not happening, I repeat, NOT HAPPENING!"

Kazooie tried to fly away by flapping her wings for flight, she had forgotten they were damaged and were utterly useless. Even if they were, Gargamel still managed to catch her by clamping down on her neck with his hand. "You won't be going anywhere, I'll be sure I'll cut your head off faster with one single blow."

She screamed as she continued to struggle, Gargamel wound up grabbing her in her bad leg and she screamed even louder. The wizard wound up slamming her down onto her back and pressed his hand hard on her chest, "I had to walk 6 miles to the Green Smurf Colony, sneak my way through, get you, then walk 6 miles back. I'll be sure I get what I came for, I'll hack your head off where you lay."

That's when Gargamel pulled out a hatchet, Kazooie's pupils shrink from the sight of it. Had she not had the previous nightmare she would be still struggling for life, seeing the hatchet made her blood run cold. Shock had settled in, and she was ready to faint. Gargamel managed to hold her head down as Kazooie squeezed her eyes shut, _Forgive me. _She thought.

THUMP!

Kazooie jumped at hearing it, thinking that the blow sliced her head off. But she could still feel her body, even move the wings and toes. She was still in one piece, and life hadn't left her yet. Kazooie opened her eyes and saw Gargamel slumped over on the table with spirals in his eyes, and behind him was... Banjo?

The honey bear panted as he lowered a slightly rotted 2 x 4, Kazooie saw that he had bandages wrapped over his head. So Chad was right of Banjo having a head injury after all, somehow he found her, and saved her at a nick-a-time. The ax that nearly ended her life lay on the floor, totally forgotten.

"Banjo!" cried Kazooie.

"Oh thank Rare," said Banjo.

Banjo picked up Kazooie and hugged her tightly, "Did he hurt you?" he asked.

"No," said Kazooie, "But I was already hurt to begin with, my leg is broken Banjo, my fault."

Banjo saw the cast on her broken leg, his expression soon dropped south, "How?" he asked.

"Long story," said Kazooie, "We need to get help, Lizzy-"

"Wait, who?"

"Over there!"

Kazooie turned towards Lizzy who was still laying on the counter motionless, Banjo walked over to her and picked her up with a free hand. "She's still alive." said Banjo.

"The Smurf Village," said Kazooie, "We're not that far!"

"Where?"

"I'm not sure, but I can feel it's close!"

Just as Banjo turns towards the front door, Kazooie asked, "What did you do with the cat?"

"Uhh..." said Banjo, "I rather not go there."

Banjo opened the front door and stepped out, just as he does so a sudden flash and bang stunned them. Banjo dropped to his knees, yet still held onto Kazooie. When their vision and hearing quickly restored, they looked up and saw Chernov flying over head. He was wearing a jet-pack, which gave him flight. Not only that, he was holding what looked like the nozzle of a flamethrower. Despite the appearance, he posed no threat to them, "Whoops." he said, "Sorry, wrong target."

"Chernov," said Kazooie, "Man I'm glad to see you!"

"And I'm glad you found your friend," said Chernov, "Tell me Banjo, what was it like going through that forest in finding your pal Kazooie?"

"Hard," said Banjo, "My feet was sore and things looked dire, I was just walking along the river when I saw this Gargamel carrying something. My instincts told me to follow him, and when I saw that he had Kazooie, I just had to act."

"I won't be surprised that you killed my grandfather." said Chernov.

"That wizard was your grandfather!"

"I have an unusual family tree, I'm half-human and half-smurf. I'm the first of my species, the green smurfs. And I see you found one of my half-sisters there, I personally thought she was dead from what I saw that cat do to her."

"The Smurf Village," said Kazooie, "Where is it?"

"Follow me." said Chernov.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

Banjo placed Kazooie back into his backpack and he and Chernov walked towards the Smurf Village, for Kazooie she felt that everything she went through was worth it, sort of. Her wings had been clipped, her leg was broken, and went through an imaginary and real-life nightmare. Each one that could be fatal, though she wondered to herself why did she even make the trip in the first place.

Hadn't Banjo lost the map, they might had found their way to the Smurf Village at the moment they got here. Kazooie realized that her behavior might had ruined the adventure, these kind of smurfs wouldn't be to tolerate to her. She would've made more enemies than friends. But being at the Green Smurf Colony tested her, it pretty much told her that if she goes down there's someone there to help her.

Chernov, even though he hadn't helped her much in person, made sure of that. He was just like Kazooie in many ways, the two match in anger but not on insults. Kazooie never thought she would get this much help about her in the first place, and never she seen such sympathy for her than anyone else. She liked him because of that.

"Okay," said Chernov, "We're just about there."

Banjo pushed aside some branches and the Smurf Village came into view, it was just like the pictures Kazooie had seen, mushroom buildings and such. The familiar blue smurfs soon came around, a bit shocked, they were cautious at their visitors.

"Who the smurf is that?" one of them asked.

"A bear and a bird," said the smurf with glasses, "I don't recall seeing such animals smurfing around here."

"Who you're calling animal Brainy?" asked Kazooie.

"Uh... she talks! Oh smurf, I'm sorry! I didn't know!"

Papa Smurf, wearing red with the white beard, came around and saw what Chernov dragged along. "Visitors I presume?" he asked.

"Yup," said Chernov, "They had a little trouble getting here, the bird wound up in the Colony and the bear wondered the forest and into Gargamel's honey comb. They're Banjo and Kazooie, heroes in their own town.

"My word," said Papa Smurf, "Welcome to our village."

"Oh Papa Smurf." said Chernov.

"Yeah?"

Chernov picked up Lizzy from Banjo's backpack and handed her to the village leader, "Take care of her please," he said, "Azrael wasn't to gentle with her."

Once in Papa Smurf's arms, Lizzy stirred and opened her eyes, "Hey handsome," she said in a charming tone, "You want me to give you a BJ?"

Chernov laughed hard as he made his landing, the wings and thrusters of his jet pack sucked right into his backpack, deactivating it. "Lizzy," said Chernov, "Really?"

"I was only kidding." she replied.

Kazooie laughed as so as a few other smurfs, even though they don't get the joke itself. Papa Smurf just stood there with his eyes nearly crossing, completely clueless at what went down. "Um, I'll see what I can do for her Chernov," he said, "Don't you worry."

**. . .**

Kazooie went through the album as she sat on the bed, looking at pictures taken by Chernov awhile at the Smurf Village. It showed her being friends with many of the smurfs, and Banjo sleeping underneath a tree. In one photo, Kazooie snapped at Brainy and gave him a wedgie. Getting home was surprisingly easier than getting back, but it was a great time she had in awhile.

Her broken leg was perched on a pillow, it was healing quite nicely. Though it would be a few months before she could walk on it again, Kazooie personally thought it would be much longer than that. Despite the recovery time, it would be awhile before Kazooie would go on another adventure again.

Banjo was nearby making food on the new induction cook top, he had a frying pan with some cooking oil inside. He planned to be frying hamburgers on it, Kazooie knew he had heated the cooking oil too much, she could hear it pop away before Banjo added the hamburgers. Kazooie sat aside the photo album and picked up the stack of mail on the nightstand and went through each envelope, they were mostly bills and insurance, little letters at all. Probably everyone has e-mail now, letters were becoming obsolete fast. So much for the post office.

Kazooie managed to find one letter, it was green and a bit large. The return address was labeled "Chernov Reznov / Green Smurf Colony / Brussels, Belgium", Kazooie doubted the Smurf Village and Green Smurf Colony were near Belgium but nonetheless she got word of them after three weeks. The letter was addressed to her, she opened it up the envelope and pulled out the letter.

The letter was a bit big for the green smurfs, it was made for 2 meter tall humanoids. The letter was all typed out in courier new format, and there was a cursive signature at the bottom. Kazooie began to read the letter quietly to herself:

_Dear Kazooie,_

_Lizzy is doing alright over here, and Chad's face is almost healed. Ever since you left, me and my girlfriend were thinking about you everyday. The Green Smurf Colony wanted to immortalized you in a bronze statue and erected one at the place were Chad sealed you in at your first few days. Again, I'm sorry for the broken leg, I wish I could do more to help. Lizzy missed you a lot, she cried herself to sleep at the night I wrote this letter to you. We'll miss you Kazooie, we'll do whatever to keep some contact with you._

_Signed,_

_Chernov Reznov, Commander of the Green Smurf Colony_

Looks like they finally put in an official title for Chernov's status, Kazooie wondered who thought of it. As she sat down the letter, a blast of heat went past her feathers. She looked up and saw Banjo screaming as the cooking grease caught fire, as he went and grabbed the old fire extinguisher Kazooie grabbed the phone and dialed Bottles' number, "Bottles," said Kazooie, "This is Kazooie, can you bring in a fire extinguisher and a pressure hose? Banjo is burning down the house, again."

**THE END!**


End file.
